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Managing Anger During Divorce

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Managing Anger During Divorce

Divorce brings up a lot of emotions, including hurt, frustration and anger. Most people have a tough time dealing with these divorce-related emotions because they all come on at once; it’s a virtual flood of difficult feelings, and many people are overwhelmed by them.

While anger is a normal human reaction, it can be difficult to manage under an onslaught of other emotions. If you feel like you’re losing control, ask your North York divorce lawyer if he or she knows a local counsellor or therapist who specializes in working with people during divorce. You might find that talking to an impartial third party makes a significant difference in the way you feel.

Managing Anger on Your Own

Your North Yorkdivorce lawyer may have suggested that you start a journal during your divorce. Not only is journaling a helpful outlet for your anger; it’s a written record of everything that’s making you angry. You and your North York divorce lawyer can use your journal to keep track of any missteps or misbehavior your ex may exhibit during your divorce.

There are several other things you can do to help alleviate stress and melt your anger away, including:

  • Exercise. Cardiovascular exercise releases endorphins, which are also known as “feel-good” chemicals. On top of the mental benefits, you’ll reap physical rewards, too.
  • Talk to a friend or impartial third party. Letting someone else hear your frustrations and validate your feelings can lift that weight off your shoulders. If you’re not comfortable talking to friends and family about your anger, ask your North York divorce lawyer for a referral to a local professional.
  • Take time for yourself. When you feel yourself getting angry—or if you know you’ll get angry soon, like when you’re scheduled to talk to your ex—take a few minutes to relax. Slip into a hot bath, read a book or take your anger out on a pile of laundry (folding those shirts can be therapeutic).

Why You Need to Control Your Anger

Your North York divorce lawyer will be the first to tell you that it’s easy to get caught up in your anger—but it can have undesirable effects. When people are angry, they make poor decisions. Angry people also inadvertently cause others to make poor decisions; for example, yelling at your ex will probably tempt him or her do the exact opposite of what you want.

Anger is a perfectly normal human reaction, and during divorce, it’s often justified. However, keeping your anger in check is vital to getting (and keeping) the upper hand.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - divorce & separation

If you are litigating your matter, social media posts made by your spouse or partner may be relevant, especially if they contradict what your spouse is claiming in his or her pleadings.

For example, if a spouse is claiming financial hardship, a Facebook post that shows that spouse going on an expensive trip or posing with an expensive car can undermine such claim  and, potentially affect that party’s credibility in court if presented as evidence on a motion or at trial.

Further to photograph-based posts, statements that are made on social media by one party can be relevant if said posts (i) are related to the litigation, to issues of parenting  and/or (b) they contradict statements that were made by the party in his or her pleadings. For example, if a party who is attempting to establish that he or she is an appropriate custodial parent, then recent social media posts about extensive partying and drug use made by that party may be relevant in court, as they may speak to that party’s fitness when it comes to appropriate supervision of a child in his or her care.

The Ontario Attorney General’s website estimates that divorce proceedings can take approximately four to six months to complete, provided that all documents have been appropriately accomplished and submitted on time.

No. The law does not favour mothers over fathers in divorce proceedings. The judge will base his decision on the evidence laid out by both parties.

The main distinction between divorce and separation is that divorce ends your marriage formally. You and your partner are no longer married.
If you’re separated, you’re still legally married to each other even if you receive a formal separation, and you must continue to record that you’re married on documents.

No. You are not required to get a lawyer for a divorce. However, it is best if you retain one to ensure that you fully understand all your rights and obligations.

A joint divorce application occurs when you and your spouse both agree to a divorce and on all other family law matters such as parenting, spousal support, or division of property.

Yes, it is different. Family law problems are addressed mainly by provincial laws in Ontario. Divorce law, on the other hand, is controlled by federal legislation in the form of the Divorce Act, which applies uniformly across the country.

Divorce can be a difficult decision to make, especially if you’re unsure if your partner will sign the petition. However, a divorce does not require your partner’s consent. Although it may be a long process if your partner doesn’t comply, they will not be able to stop you indefinitely.

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