Getting married after your Barrie divorce lawyer has handed over your divorce certificate presents a unique set of challenges. You may bring emotional lessons learned from your previous marriage (and so may your new spouse), different financial circumstances and backgrounds play a role, and you or your new spouse may have kids.
Nearly half of all Canadians intend to remarry after divorce, according to Statistics Canada, and a large number of those people do have children. That means thousands of divorced parents have to figure out how to tell their kids they’re starting over after they’ve gone through the trauma of divorce – and that’s not always easy.
Preparing Ahead of Time
During your divorce, your Barrie divorce lawyer may have suggested that you and your kids see a counsellor or family therapist. If you have been seeing a therapist, you’re one step ahead; when it’s time to tell the kids you’re getting remarried, they’ll benefit by having the counsellor’s support before and after the announcement.
If you haven’t been seeing a family therapist, you may want to consider setting up a few sessions before you break the news to your kids. That way, they can become comfortable with the counsellor and you can all work through any issues that may arise together. It might be a good idea to pull out your Barrie divorce lawyer’s phone number and call him or her to ask for a referral to a qualified local professional. Your Barrie divorce lawyer has dealt with many people in situations like yours, so he or she will probably have connections to therapists in your area who can help.
Planting the Seed
When you and your new partner have decided to marry, it’s wise to hold off on telling the kids in an emotional outburst. While you’re excited, remember that the kids may not be – even if they know and like your partner.
If you aren’t already doing so, allow your new partner and your kids to spend time together. You can attend athletic events, school plays and other extracurricular activities as a group and just “hang out” during down time. This allows your kids to begin seeing your partner as a permanent fixture, which will help you transition into making the engagement announcement.
Breaking the News to Your Kids
When it’s time to tell your kids you’ll be getting remarried, it’s generally a good idea to allow the announcement to come up in conversation. Kids need to know that your love for them will not change because you’re getting married – and they need to know that you want to keep open lines of communication for the rest of their lives.
Sometimes, even if kids seem to adore your new partner, they’ll resent the fact that you’re getting remarried. In some cases, talking to a therapist can help them work through their issues (remember to call your Barrie divorce lawyer to ask for a referral) and allow your family to move on in an emotionally healthy way.