Opens in a new tab
Gelman Family Law Lawyers

Over 200+ 5-Star Google Reviews

Book Consult

Can’t Communicate With Your Ex? Sole Custody May be Best for the Child

Published: September 16, 2016

Last Updated: March 24, 2026

Book Consult1-844-736-0200

Table of Contents

Can’t Communicate With Your Ex?  Sole Custody May be Best for the Child

In a previous blog post, we explored the meaning of joint custody and reviewed some scenarios in which it would be the appropriate custodial situation for a child.  Joint custody gives both parents full decision-making authority and responsibility in all areas respecting the child.  Major decisions regarding the child’s health, education, and well-being are made together.  We explained that when considering whether joint custody is in the best interests of the child, effective communication between the parties is key:

Effective Communication and Cooperation.  For a joint custody arrangement to be successful, you must be able to communicate and cooperate effectively with your ex.  You don’t have to like your ex, and you don’t need to have constant communication with him or her (imagine having to text updates every day?!), but you do need to be able to make long-term decisions together, and be able to put the best interests of your child ahead of any personal feelings of conflict that may linger;

What if Parents Cannot Communicate Effectively and/or Cooperate with Each Other?

Since effective and timely co-decision-making is such a critical factor in making a joint custody situation successful for a child, parents who are having a difficult time communicating may agree to a sole custody arrangement, or risk having a court make such an order.  A court may even change an order from joint to sole custody if warranted by the parties’ demonstrated lack of cooperation (see Newman v. Nicholson example below).

Sole Custody is an arrangement in which one parent has physical and legal custody of a child. The parent with sole custody can make all of the important decisions in the child’s life.  The non-custodial parent usually has ‘access’ to the child, meaning that they have the right to some share of physical time with him or her. The non-custodial parent may also have the right to make inquiries and to be given information regarding the health, education, and welfare of the child.

In Newman v. Nicholson, a 2016 decision of the Ontario Superior Court of Justice, the Court varied a final order of joint custody to an order of sole custody in favour of the mother.

In making its decision, the Court considered what would be in the child’s best interests in accordance with the factors set out in s. 24 of the Children’s Law Reform Act.  The Court was also guided by the Ontario Court of Appeal’s decision in Kaplanis v. Kaplainis, in which the Court articulated issues of communication to be considered when assessing the propriety of a joint custody arrangement:

  1.  There must be evidence of historical communication between the parents and appropriate communication between them;
  2.  [Joint custody] can’t be ordered in the hope that it will improve their communication;
  3.  Just because both parents are fit does not mean that joint custody should be ordered;
  4.  The fact that one parent professes an inability to communicate does not preclude an order for joint custody;
  5.  No matter how detailed the custody order there will always be gaps and unexpected situations, and when they arise they must be able to be addressed on an ongoing basis;
  6.  The younger the child, the more important communication is.

The Court in Newman decided that the parties’ child, Kai, should be placed in his mother’s custody solely because the parties did not possess the minimum ability to communicate in order to make major decisions for Kai.

The factors that informed the Court’s decision included:

  • Kai lived primarily with his mother;
  • Kai’s mother had played the lead role with respect to his schooling, medical needs, psycho-education assessment, activities registration & scheduling;
  • Kai’s time with his father was his “down time” (video games, etc.);
  • the communication between the parents was abrasive and contemptuous; there was no evidence of meaningful and fruitful exchange of information;
  • the father deliberately ignored the emails from the mother regarding Kai, and admitted he was tardy at responding to emails; and
  • the father did not demonstrate a willingness to work with the mother to make decisions together;

Lessons Learned

The outcome in Newman v. Nicholson is another example of how important it is for parents to have a post-separation and post-divorce strategy for effective and meaningful communication regarding their children if they wish to ensure the success of a joint custody arrangement.

For advice on issues of custody or any other family law matter, contact Gelman & Associates at (844) 736-0200 or contact us online for a confidential initial consultation.

 

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - child custody & access

Ontario law does not specify the age at which a child can decide which parent to live with. At most, the Court may consider the preference of the child but that does not necessarily mean that the Court will act favorably on it. The court will consider the child’s maturity, ability to articulate their desires, and the reasoning behind their views when seeking their opinion.

If a parenting plan is included in your court order under the Divorce Act, the document will be legally binding.

In order to change your child’s last name, you will have to be the child’s parent with legal custody or be the legal guardian of the child. In order to change the child’s last name, you will have to provide notice to anyone who has legal access to the child, and that may include your ex-spouse.

In most cases, the answer is no. However, there can be some exceptions that the mother can build a case upon. These include the father putting the child at risk, non-compliance with the court order, or a history of violence by the father.

Creating a custody plan with a narcissistic ex-partner is a task best left to legal professionals. While there might not be one way to deal with a narcissistic ex, there are things that you can do to turn the tables on a narcissistic co-parent. The best way to prevent problems is to go with no contact or limited contact with your ex-partner and put everything in writing if you must only communicate via email or text message to record statements and harassment.

Let us consider that the “moving away” is relocation and not just a change in residency.

Then, let us qualify that the mother will take your child with her.

If the mother is the primary caregiver of the child, you may oppose the relocation by applying the principles laid down under the Gordon vs. Goertz case. You must present your case strongly as to why potentially cutting your child’s relationship as the primary caregiver is to your child’s best interest. This situation falls under the purview of Section 16.93(2) of the Divorce Act.

If both you and the mother have equal parenting time over your child, the mother of the child has the burden of proof as to why the relocation is for the best interest of your child. This situation falls under the purview of Section 16.93(1) of the Divorce Act.

If there is no Court ordered, approved, or awarded parenting time or separation agreement, as contemplated under Section 16.93(3) of the Divorce Act, the mother has the burden of proof to show that relocation is in the best interest of your child.

Note that even if the burden of proof is not laid upon you, it still recommended that you present a strong opposition to the relocation.

Yes, it is possible for your ex to prevent you from relocating with a child you share, although this will likely plan on your parenting arrangements and decision-making responsibility. If you cannot agree about a relocation, a court will decide based on the child’s best interests.

Generally, you need to provide your ex with 60 days’ written notice of your relocation plan, and you must obtain consent or a court order to move the child. A lawyer can help you navigate this process. Our divorce lawyers will guide you through the application and court order process.

Yes, but they will need to establish paternity, especially if the father and the mother separate. Here are the ways to establish paternity as recognized by the court:

  • Act of birth
  • Presumption of paternity
  • Uninterrupted possession of status
  • Voluntary declaration

Locations We Serve

Multiple offices to help serve you better

With numerous offices across Ontario, we make it easier for our clients to have access to our lawyers. Please note that offices marked with an (**) are satellite offices and require a consultation booked in advance. We are not able to accommodate walk-in appointments at these locations. Call us to book a free consultation today.

Still have family law questions?

Speak to a lawyer

If you need legal advice regarding child custody & access matters in Ontario, contact our Toronto family law lawyers for a free consultation. Some conditions may apply.

Book Your Consult