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How to Communicate Effectively with Your Ex

Published: July 19, 2012

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How to Communicate Effectively with Your Ex

You may find it difficult to communicate effectively with your spouse during your divorce; in fact, most of your communication will likely be through your Mississauga divorce lawyers. However, the way you communicate during your divorce is an important building block for what your relationship will become once your marriage is over – and if you have minor children, your Mississauga divorce lawyer will encourage you to learn how to communicate properly right away.

Communicating Effectively with Your Ex

Most former spouses have long histories of poor communication, so it’s no surprise that communications come to a grinding halt during divorce. During divorce proceedings, you can expect your Mississauga divorce lawyer to handle negotiations on your behalf – but once the court has granted your divorce, it’s up to you to communicate with your ex. You may need to discuss things like:

  • parenting plan issues
  • sales of personal property, vehicles and homes
  • issues that arise after your Mississauga divorce lawyer has negotiated your divorce

Your Mississauga divorce lawyer will probably suggest several techniques you can use to make sure you and your ex stay on the same page; after all, he or she has seen several clients in situations similar to yours and may be able to tell you what has worked for others.

Four Tips on Communicating Effectively with Your Ex

Talking with your ex probably isn’t on your list of favourite things to do, but it doesn’t have to be a horrible experience. When communicating is necessary:

  1. Check your emotions at the door. No matter how sensitive the topic, leave your emotions out of every discussion. You’ll cloud the issue and make communicating far more difficult by allowing your emotions to take over. If your spouse becomes emotional, end the discussion until he or she has cooled down.
  2. Be polite. There’s no need to be rude to one another. Being impolite can start a fight that will ruin your entire conversation. A good rule of thumb: treat your ex the way your Mississauga divorce lawyer has advised you to treat him or her in front of the judge, even when no one else can hear.
  3. Get the details right. It’s important to make sure you and your spouse are extremely clear on details – even if it means agreeing on exact times, dollar amounts or other specifics. Remember, your Mississauga divorce lawyer laid the groundwork for you during your divorce; the minor details are up to you and your ex once your divorce is final.
  4. Double-check when you’re in doubt. If you aren’t sure that you and your ex are on the same page, there’s nothing wrong with making a quick phone call or sending a polite text to make sure you understand each other.

Bringing Your Mississauga divorce lawyer Back into the Mix

When you and your ex cannot communicate effectively – especially when it comes to details about the kids, property sales or other life-changing events – you may need to bring your Mississauga divorce lawyer back into the situation. Your Mississauga divorce lawyer can file paperwork on your behalf, bring a motion to change your existing agreement or suggest new communication techniques that will work for you and your former spouse.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - divorce & separation

If you are litigating your matter, social media posts made by your spouse or partner may be relevant, especially if they contradict what your spouse is claiming in his or her pleadings.

For example, if a spouse is claiming financial hardship, a Facebook post that shows that spouse going on an expensive trip or posing with an expensive car can undermine such claim  and, potentially affect that party’s credibility in court if presented as evidence on a motion or at trial.

Further to photograph-based posts, statements that are made on social media by one party can be relevant if said posts (i) are related to the litigation, to issues of parenting  and/or (b) they contradict statements that were made by the party in his or her pleadings. For example, if a party who is attempting to establish that he or she is an appropriate custodial parent, then recent social media posts about extensive partying and drug use made by that party may be relevant in court, as they may speak to that party’s fitness when it comes to appropriate supervision of a child in his or her care.

The Ontario Attorney General’s website estimates that divorce proceedings can take approximately four to six months to complete, provided that all documents have been appropriately accomplished and submitted on time.

No. The law does not favour mothers over fathers in divorce proceedings. The judge will base his decision on the evidence laid out by both parties.

The main distinction between divorce and separation is that divorce ends your marriage formally. You and your partner are no longer married.
If you’re separated, you’re still legally married to each other even if you receive a formal separation, and you must continue to record that you’re married on documents.

No. You are not required to get a lawyer for a divorce. However, it is best if you retain one to ensure that you fully understand all your rights and obligations.

A joint divorce application occurs when you and your spouse both agree to a divorce and on all other family law matters such as parenting, spousal support, or division of property.

Yes, it is different. Family law problems are addressed mainly by provincial laws in Ontario. Divorce law, on the other hand, is controlled by federal legislation in the form of the Divorce Act, which applies uniformly across the country.

Divorce can be a difficult decision to make, especially if you’re unsure if your partner will sign the petition. However, a divorce does not require your partner’s consent. Although it may be a long process if your partner doesn’t comply, they will not be able to stop you indefinitely.

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