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How to Cope with Sibling Rivalry

Published: September 23, 2013

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How to Cope with Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry is a pretty common phenomenon in most households, but kids of divorce have more to compete for: their parents’ attention on borrowed time. Since custody agreements divide the amount of time each parent gets to spend with children, kids often battle over who gets the most attention in each home—and this can be particularly evident when there are step-siblings involved.

How to Cope with Sibling Rivalry During Divorce

Every child has his or her own needs, and understanding that is half of the battle when it comes to sibling rivalry. While one of your kids might need extra hugs and cuddles, another might prefer more conversation time from a distance. When those basic needs are met, children are less likely to compete with one another.

You can also lessen conflict in your home if you:

  • Avoid comparing your kids to each other at all costs. Even when you’re praising one of your kids, be careful not to compare his or her accomplishment to a sibling’s accomplishments.
  • Stay out of kids’ fights. Naturally, you’ll have to step in if things get out of control—but encouraging kids to settle their own differences without your input can teach them that it’s easier to get along than to fight.
  • Set clear, firm rules. Tell your children which behaviours are acceptable and which are unacceptable when they’re not getting along. Putting a stop to name-calling and physical aggression before it starts is best, and make sure your kids know what consequences they’ll face if they break the rules.
  • Steer your kids away from trouble. If there’s a constant point of contention between your kids, remove the problem so they don’t feel compelled to fight over it. If a gaming system sparks fights, either encourage the children to make a schedule or put it on the shelf.

Keeping Your Ex “In the Loop”

If you and your ex are using collaborative parenting techniques (which your Richmond Hill divorce lawyer most likely encouraged you to do), it won’t be much of a problem for you two to communicate about what’s going on with the kids.

If you can’t get along, try sending an email to break the ice; let your ex know what you’ve observed and how you’ve rectified the situation in your home. Ask if he or she has any tips for you. Having the same rules at each house can help your kids work through their sibling rivalry and come out with a stronger, healthier relationship.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - divorce & separation

If you are litigating your matter, social media posts made by your spouse or partner may be relevant, especially if they contradict what your spouse is claiming in his or her pleadings.

For example, if a spouse is claiming financial hardship, a Facebook post that shows that spouse going on an expensive trip or posing with an expensive car can undermine such claim  and, potentially affect that party’s credibility in court if presented as evidence on a motion or at trial.

Further to photograph-based posts, statements that are made on social media by one party can be relevant if said posts (i) are related to the litigation, to issues of parenting  and/or (b) they contradict statements that were made by the party in his or her pleadings. For example, if a party who is attempting to establish that he or she is an appropriate custodial parent, then recent social media posts about extensive partying and drug use made by that party may be relevant in court, as they may speak to that party’s fitness when it comes to appropriate supervision of a child in his or her care.

The Ontario Attorney General’s website estimates that divorce proceedings can take approximately four to six months to complete, provided that all documents have been appropriately accomplished and submitted on time.

No. The law does not favour mothers over fathers in divorce proceedings. The judge will base his decision on the evidence laid out by both parties.

The main distinction between divorce and separation is that divorce ends your marriage formally. You and your partner are no longer married.
If you’re separated, you’re still legally married to each other even if you receive a formal separation, and you must continue to record that you’re married on documents.

No. You are not required to get a lawyer for a divorce. However, it is best if you retain one to ensure that you fully understand all your rights and obligations.

A joint divorce application occurs when you and your spouse both agree to a divorce and on all other family law matters such as parenting, spousal support, or division of property.

Yes, it is different. Family law problems are addressed mainly by provincial laws in Ontario. Divorce law, on the other hand, is controlled by federal legislation in the form of the Divorce Act, which applies uniformly across the country.

Divorce can be a difficult decision to make, especially if you’re unsure if your partner will sign the petition. However, a divorce does not require your partner’s consent. Although it may be a long process if your partner doesn’t comply, they will not be able to stop you indefinitely.

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