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Parenting Coordinators

Published: November 5, 2010

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Parenting Coordinators

It is no surprise that a hard-fought custody battle between two parents can become unfriendly, at best.  One of the small ironies of this is that it is rarely the big, life-altering issues that cause the greatest amount of conflict. Parents are more likely to argue over where they will meet to exchange the child/ren or whether one can alter a previously agreed upon drop off time, than they will over important medical and educational decisions.

Unfortunately, finding a win-win scenario in these situations is rare. Finding a win-win-win-win scenario is even rarer. Yet, for many high conflict custody cases, this win-win-win-win scenario is just what a parenting coordinator can accomplish. Parenting coordinators help parents (win) by teaching them how to make decisions together and reduce the daily conflict over trivial decisions. By helping parents resolve these small issues, parenting coordinators reduce the crushing load on courts and judges (win) by limiting or eliminating many of the hearings and conferences that can choke the system. Parenting coordinators reduce the gigantic amounts of time spent by lawyers (win) in counseling their clients and negotiating with opposing counsel. Most importantly, the use of parenting coordinators reduces the overall amount of conflict the divorcing family experiences. This means that the final “win” is for the most defenseless victims of difficult custody battles: the children.

What are parenting coordinators?

Parenting coordinators employ a child-focused method of alternative dispute resolution used in high conflict child custody cases. A parenting coordinator is a neutral third-party brought into custody cases to reduce the level of conflict by helping the parents make better decisions concerning the parenting of their child/ren.

Parenting coordinators don’t decide which parent will be a child/rend(s) primary caretaker; that decision remains the responsibility of the judge. The parenting coordinators typically (though not always) become involved in a case after a judge has issued a custody order. Much of their work involves helping parents work out the issues that fall between the cracks of a judge’s order.

Parenting coordinators help in a variety of ways. First, they help the parents improve their communication skills when discussing parenting issues. Poor communication is one of the hallmarks of a marriage that ends in divorce, a factor that is doubly present in high conflict custody cases. It is not possible for parents to co-parent effectively without first being able to communicate with one another. Parenting coordinators also teach the parents about particular developmental issues faced by their children as they proceed through the divorce. They will referee the conflicts between the parents in an attempt to help them reach mutual agreement. When necessary, a parenting coordinator will actually make the decisions if no agreement can be reached.

What is a high conflict custody case?

The definition of a high conflict custody case, is one in which the parents demonstrate an ongoing pattern of any one or more of the following:

1) excessive litigation; anger and distrust; verbal abuse
2)physical aggression or threats of physical aggression
3)difficulty communicating about and cooperating with one another regarding the care of their minor children
4) other conditions that the judge believes warrants the use of a parenting coordinator.

It is not unusual for parents in a typical custody battle to have difficulty communicating and cooperating, or for a certain level of anger and distrust to be present. What makes a high conflict custody case different than an average case, though, is an ongoing pattern of these types of problems, as well as the additional, even more problematic issues such as mental or physical abuse.

How does a parenting coordinator get involved, and what is s/he authorized to do?

Judges cannot order parenting coordination without the consent of the parties. If the parties do not agree to the appointment of a parenting coordinator, the court has to rule on the issues without the use of a parenting coordinator.

If the parties do in fact agree to the appointment of a parenting coordinator, as most do, the parenting coordinator has a dual job. First, to try and get parents to come to an agreement, and second, to make difficult decisions where agreements cannot be reached.

These two areas of authority (facilitation and decision-making) combine to make the parenting coordinator position incredibly beneficial to everyone involved in a high conflict custody case. They combine collaborative teaching and consensus building skills with the authority and ability to make the difficult decisions when necessary. The best and most effective parenting coordinators spend the bulk of their time and energy teaching the parents skills they will need to co-parent for a lifetime.

Are there any high conflict custody cases where using a parenting coordinator is not appropriate?

It is beyond appropriate – it is actually essential to involve a parenting coordinator in all high conflict custody cases. The neutral third-party perspective, high degree of training, and alternative approaches to reducing conflict that a parenting coordinator brings to the process are invaluable to the child/ren, parents, lawyers and judges. There are, however, certain situations in which a parenting coordinator encounters additional challenges and must remain vigilant to ensure that all responsibilities are being fulfilled. The most common of these situations is when domestic violence is present in the family.

When there is domestic violence, the parenting coordinator must maintain keen sensitivity to the issue and the effect it can have on the work with the parents. Perpetrators of domestic violence frequently seek to assert control over the victim through the use of threats and physical aggression. In such situations, it can be difficult, if not impossible, for the parenting coordinator to employ the numerous of mediation, collaboration and dispute resolution skills at their disposal. In these situations, a parenting coordinator must adjust the approach taken. In place of collaborative tools, he or she must instead shift the emphasis primarily to the enforcement of the judge’s order. The parenting coordinator will review the terms of the order and ensure that, as much as possible, the actions by each parent are in compliance. It is essential that the parenting coordinator remain neutral – even in these challenging scenarios – to ensure that all responsibilities to the child and the court are fulfilled.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - child custody & access

It is not uncommon for someone to want to relocate after a divorce. If you still live in the marital residence, the familiar surroundings and memories may be too much for your heart to handle. Or in the process of reinventing yourself post-divorce you may want to take a new job, move closer to your friends and family, or simply wish to start fresh somewhere new. There are many reasons a person may want to move after going through a divorce, however if you have children you will need to think twice before making a big move.

Emotionally, it can be challenging for a child to move to an unfamiliar place. Often, they are most at ease in a familiar environment with access to family and friends. Changing schools, living in a new city or even a new house can be difficult on a child, especially after dealing with the emotional turmoil associated with divorce.

Legally, there are certain implications to relocating away from the current jurisdiction where the children ordinarily reside. Before moving you and the noncustodial parent can negotiate with the absence of a lawyer, a written agreement about the moce and any changes to visitation that may be needed. If you cannot reach an agreement about the move, you then must file an Application/Motion to the court to hear your matter and for a judge to make a decision before you move. Usually the court requires at least 30 days notice to the other parent of your court Application/Motion. It may take longer to reach an agreement with the other parent or get a court order. It is a good idea to give notice of 90 days before the move, as as soon as possible and to consult with a lawyer first. Upon receiving this notice, they can challenge your proposed change of residence or apply for a variation to the existing custody or access orders.

The leading case that sets out the legal test in determining mobility is Gordon vs. Goertz (1996) 2. S.C.R. 27

Similar to any other action involving variation of an existing custody order, the person challenging the relocation has to show that the move will result in a material change in circumstances affecting the child. Once this has been established, a judge will determine the best interests of the child in light of the relevant circumstances. These relevant circumstances include the existing custody and access relationship, the relationship between the child and the custodial parent, the views of the child, and the reason for the proposed change of residence among other circumstances. As with every other custody proceeding, the judges determination will turn on the best interests of the child. The judge’s inquiry is individualized and will involve all factors relevant to the case at hand.

Because mobility has become so easy in today’s society, often separation agreements or custody orders will address relocation and place specific restrictions on changing residences. Non-removal clauses that ban the extra-provincial removal of children without consent of the noncustodial parent. In these cases, the custodial parent who wishes to relocate will have to initiate the action by placing an application with the court.

If you are contemplating a move, you must consider the emotional needs of your child, as well as your former spouse’s right to challenge your relocation. Typically, courts only allow a custodial parent to relocate if the proposed move is in good faith and not intended to frustrate the noncustodial parent’s relationship with the child. Additionally, if a custodial parent relocates, they must be willing to accommodate the noncustodial parent’s access to the child; sometimes this means that the relocating parent will have to pay the additional costs of access.

In sum, if you are a custodial parent, moving isn’t as easy as just loading up the car and hitting the road – but it is still possible.

Yes, but they will need to establish paternity, especially if the father and the mother separate. Here are the ways to establish paternity as recognized by the court:

  • Act of birth
  • Presumption of paternity
  • Uninterrupted possession of status
  • Voluntary declaration

No. Even when the parents are unmarried, divorced, or separated, one parent cannot keep the child from seeing the other unless the court deems it appropriate to the child’s best interests.

Historically, mothers have been more likely to get sole custody of their child in both consent and contested orders, as they are usually the child’s primary caregiver. However, as more mothers also work outside the home, courts could also rule in favor of the father.

The majority of judges strive to make decisions that are in your children’s best interest. Giving full custody to one parent is usually the best option, except in cases with concerns such as child or substance abuse. This typically means keeping in contact with and maintaining relationships with both parents.
You should do everything possible to prepare for the subsequent child custody negotiations, whether you’re a parent seeking full custody or shared custody:
Be honest with yourself about your ability to manage things alone, in terms of practicality, finances, and other factors. You may get the result you want by presenting the strongest case for custody by doing the following:

  • Make a Strategy: If custody is granted, a court will expect you to be ready. Compile thoughtful replies to hypothetical queries posed in court.
  • Speak with people who have gone through the child custody procedure before you. They may provide you advice and tell you what to anticipate.
  • Judges look for proof of a meaningful relationship in addition to making sure you can provide a child’s practical and basic needs. Simply put, be involved in your children’s lives.
  • Continue to pay child support regularly, whether you’re asking the court for full or shared custody. When you start the procedure, you’ll want to make sure you have a strong track record.
  • Keep a detailed log of your visitation schedule. This is a crucial aspect of obtaining child custody. Visitation records reflect how often you see your children under the present arrangements and your dependability, as well as dedication to them.
  • During all child custody hearings, the court will inquire about acceptable living accommodations. Even if you live in a tiny apartment, you should create a unique and secure environment for your child.
  • Courts may determine child custody in part by how you treat your child’s other parent. Being hostile or unpleasant to the other parent makes collaborative decision-making more complicated and can break apart parent-child ties. As a result, judges are more inclined to favor the parent who isn’t behaving badly.
  • While parents typically spend a lot of time thinking about what they believe is best for their children, children’s perspectives are sometimes overlooked. The court will be interested in learning what the children desire and will most likely question them directly at some point throughout the proceedings. You can better inform your decision-making by asking your child what they think.

No. Parenting time and child support are different from each other. While it is a child’s right to be provided with financial support, it is also their right to spend time with their parents. Thus, even if the child support was cancelled the parent formerly supporting can still enjoy parenting time with the child.

“There is no fixed age for when a child can say which parent they want to live with after a divorce. However, by law, a child must be 16 years old to decide on this matter. The exception to this is when there is a court order stating that a child/ren must live with one parent until they turn 17 or 18.

Under certain circumstances, it is possible to legally prevent your child/ren’s father from seeing or contacting them. It may be necessary if he presents a potential danger to your child/ren. If you were never married to the father of your child and there is no court order saying otherwise, you can do anything you want until paternity is confirmed.

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