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Second Thoughts After Separation: Fear or Love?

Published: November 15, 2012

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Second Thoughts After Separation: Fear or Love?

When people separate, it’s very common for second thoughts to flood in.

“Did I try hard enough?”

“I’m not sure I can make it on my own; should I go back?”

“I’m very lonely, and I think I still love her—maybe I did the wrong thing by leaving.”

These types of thoughts are completely normal and natural. In fact, statistics suggest that as many as 75 percent of people have second thoughts for up to a year after ending a marriage. Those feelings can come on as a result of fear, insecurity or a lack of self-confidence in the decisions you’ve made, and only you can determine whether you made the right choice.

Talking to a Barrie Divorce Lawyer

Before you separate from your spouse, talk to a Barrie divorce lawyer. Nobody likes to face uncertainty after a decision has been made. If you have a clear picture of what to expect after a separation, you’ll minimize the chances that you’ll second-guess yourself when the time comes.

When you talk to a Barrie divorce lawyer, he or she will help you look at several potential scenarios. Additionally, telling an impartial third party why you’re considering separation can help you put things into perspective.

Another benefit of discussing your situation with a Barrie divorce lawyer is getting your timing right; if you decide to separate from your spouse, your Barrie divorce lawyer will be able to help you determine the best time to do so (whether it’s waiting for the kids to finish school, holding off until you’ve saved enough money or waiting until your debts are paid off).

The Psychology of Second Thoughts

Even if you’ve talked to a Barrie divorce lawyer and have made the right decision, it’s psychologically normal to have second thoughts. Humans are hard-wired to make the best choices for survival (that’s why your gut instinct is usually right), and we’re fortunate enough to have analytical abilities. We generally analyze our past decisions in order to make even better choices in the future.

Research suggests that some people are more prone to over-analyze decisions, though. While a little introspection and some second-guessing are healthy processes, some people take it to extremes. If you’re having difficulty coping with the fact that you’ve separated from your spouse, give your Barrie divorce lawyer a call and ask for a referral to a local counsellor who specializes in divorce. Often, talking out your feelings with a third party is very beneficial.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - divorce & separation

If you are litigating your matter, social media posts made by your spouse or partner may be relevant, especially if they contradict what your spouse is claiming in his or her pleadings.

For example, if a spouse is claiming financial hardship, a Facebook post that shows that spouse going on an expensive trip or posing with an expensive car can undermine such claim  and, potentially affect that party’s credibility in court if presented as evidence on a motion or at trial.

Further to photograph-based posts, statements that are made on social media by one party can be relevant if said posts (i) are related to the litigation, to issues of parenting  and/or (b) they contradict statements that were made by the party in his or her pleadings. For example, if a party who is attempting to establish that he or she is an appropriate custodial parent, then recent social media posts about extensive partying and drug use made by that party may be relevant in court, as they may speak to that party’s fitness when it comes to appropriate supervision of a child in his or her care.

The Ontario Attorney General’s website estimates that divorce proceedings can take approximately four to six months to complete, provided that all documents have been appropriately accomplished and submitted on time.

No. The law does not favour mothers over fathers in divorce proceedings. The judge will base his decision on the evidence laid out by both parties.

The main distinction between divorce and separation is that divorce ends your marriage formally. You and your partner are no longer married.
If you’re separated, you’re still legally married to each other even if you receive a formal separation, and you must continue to record that you’re married on documents.

No. You are not required to get a lawyer for a divorce. However, it is best if you retain one to ensure that you fully understand all your rights and obligations.

A joint divorce application occurs when you and your spouse both agree to a divorce and on all other family law matters such as parenting, spousal support, or division of property.

Yes, it is different. Family law problems are addressed mainly by provincial laws in Ontario. Divorce law, on the other hand, is controlled by federal legislation in the form of the Divorce Act, which applies uniformly across the country.

Divorce can be a difficult decision to make, especially if you’re unsure if your partner will sign the petition. However, a divorce does not require your partner’s consent. Although it may be a long process if your partner doesn’t comply, they will not be able to stop you indefinitely.

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