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Child Custody: The Details

Published: November 5, 2010

Last Updated: July 3, 2026

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Child Custody: The Details

Be sure to speak with your divorce lawyer as soon as possible to ensure that the best interests of your child/ren are addressed and that your rights are protected.

Custody refers to the right to make major decisions about your child/ren. When one parent has sole custody, that parent alone makes all major decisions about the child/ren.  Where the parents have joint custody, the parents are to mutually agree upon major decisions concerning the child/ren. Custody is usually resolved out of court and is detailed in the separation agreement. If parents are unmarried and share a child, they may still establish a custody agreement through a separate legal document. Custody is different from residence.

Residence refers to the parent the child/ren normally live(s) with.  If the child/ren spend(s) most of their time (more than 60%) with one parent, than that parent has primary residence.  If the child/ren spend(s) at least 40% of their time with each parent, then the parties have shared residence of the child. Usually, the non-resident parent has access to the child/ren, which can include overnight visits, weekends, and mid-week visits.  In cases where the non-resident parent is alleged to be unable to care for the child/ren or to be a danger to the child/ren (i.e. substance abuse, psychiatric difficulties, history of violence etc…), access can take place at a supervised access center.  Alternatively, access may be supervised by another adult (ideally, this adult supervisor would be mutually agreed upon between the parents).

A parent can have joint custody of the child, but not shared residence (i.e. both parents make joint major decisions about the child/ren, but the child/ren normally just live(s) with one).  In rare cases, one parent can have sole custody, but both parents can have shared parenting (i.e. one parent has sole custody and makes all major decisions themselves, while the child/ren still continue(s) to live jointly with both parents).

Shared parenting and joint custody work well if and when the parents can cooperate with one another, and share similar visions as to what is in the best interests of their child/ren.

Ideally, parents will be able to decide among themselves as to which custody and residence arrangement best meets the needs of their child/ren while also taking into account the realities of all parties. For parents who are not able to come to a resolution on their own, a parental coordinator/mediator who is able to assist in creating parenting schedules and working out custody details may be a helpful next step. If that is not possible, parents may have to resolve their differences in court.

Voluntary agreements, called “parenting plans”, are usually the best and most common way of settling custody arrangements in Ontario. Only a small percentage of child custody disputes are actually decided in a courtroom.  A parenting plan can include everything about who will spend time with the child/ren and when/who will make major decisions about the child/ren. The parenting plan can either be an informal arrangement or can be detailed in a separation agreement.

If the parenting dispute does reach the courts, the primary factor for the court in determining the final parenting arrangement is assessing the best interests of the child/ren. In order for the court to determine the best interests of the child, the courts may use the services of agencies such as the Office of the Children’s Lawyer or a privately retained assessor. Keep in mind that parenting plans are open to revision if there is a material change in circumstances.

Lastly, parenting is linked to child support.  If the parents have shared residence of the child, the payor parent may be entitled to a reduction in child support payments.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - child custody & access

Ontario law does not specify the age at which a child can decide which parent to live with. At most, the Court may consider the preference of the child but that does not necessarily mean that the Court will act favorably on it. The court will consider the child’s maturity, ability to articulate their desires, and the reasoning behind their views when seeking their opinion.

If a parenting plan is included in your court order under the Divorce Act, the document will be legally binding.

In order to change your child’s last name, you will have to be the child’s parent with legal custody or be the legal guardian of the child. In order to change the child’s last name, you will have to provide notice to anyone who has legal access to the child, and that may include your ex-spouse.

In most cases, the answer is no. However, there can be some exceptions that the mother can build a case upon. These include the father putting the child at risk, non-compliance with the court order, or a history of violence by the father.

Creating a custody plan with a narcissistic ex-partner is a task best left to legal professionals. While there might not be one way to deal with a narcissistic ex, there are things that you can do to turn the tables on a narcissistic co-parent. The best way to prevent problems is to go with no contact or limited contact with your ex-partner and put everything in writing if you must only communicate via email or text message to record statements and harassment.

Let us consider that the “moving away” is relocation and not just a change in residency.

Then, let us qualify that the mother will take your child with her.

If the mother is the primary caregiver of the child, you may oppose the relocation by applying the principles laid down under the Gordon vs. Goertz case. You must present your case strongly as to why potentially cutting your child’s relationship as the primary caregiver is to your child’s best interest. This situation falls under the purview of Section 16.93(2) of the Divorce Act.

If both you and the mother have equal parenting time over your child, the mother of the child has the burden of proof as to why the relocation is for the best interest of your child. This situation falls under the purview of Section 16.93(1) of the Divorce Act.

If there is no Court ordered, approved, or awarded parenting time or separation agreement, as contemplated under Section 16.93(3) of the Divorce Act, the mother has the burden of proof to show that relocation is in the best interest of your child.

Note that even if the burden of proof is not laid upon you, it still recommended that you present a strong opposition to the relocation.

Yes, it is possible for your ex to prevent you from relocating with a child you share, although this will likely plan on your parenting arrangements and decision-making responsibility. If you cannot agree about a relocation, a court will decide based on the child’s best interests.

Generally, you need to provide your ex with 60 days’ written notice of your relocation plan, and you must obtain consent or a court order to move the child. A lawyer can help you navigate this process. Our divorce lawyers will guide you through the application and court order process.

Yes, but they will need to establish paternity, especially if the father and the mother separate. Here are the ways to establish paternity as recognized by the court:

  • Act of birth
  • Presumption of paternity
  • Uninterrupted possession of status
  • Voluntary declaration

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