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Having a good attitude during a separation

Following separation, you have a choice. You can choose the bitter path, criticizing and devaluing your ex. You can attack your former spouse in public and private. With words and actions, you can blame and punish. Many do.

Or, as Ron Burgundy says, you can “stay classy, San Diego” (or, in this case, stay classy Toronto or Thornhill or Ottawa or Ancaster…you get the idea). Speak respectfully and kindly of your ex. Make sure private information remains private. Keep a civil tongue in your head, as your great-aunt may have advised. A positive attitude is good for you and good for your kids. Plus, you will be able to look back with pride on your behaviour over this very difficult and emotional time, rather than cringe.

Take a page from Miranda Lambert’s book. Despite a very public and potentially humiliating break up with husband Blake Shelton, Miranda has taken the high road. In a candid interview with Cosmopolitan magazine, Miranda is honest while remaining kind when speaking of the end of her ten year relationship with Blake.

Miranda’s take on her marriage is refreshing. And rare. I wish I had a penny for every client who tells me “I never loved her” or “I don’t know why I married him”. Instead of denial and revisionist history, Miranda is able to look at the good in her marriage.

“I had a great relationship with an amazing man, so I know what good is,” she says. “I have a great launching pad for the future. I will never take that for granted.”

Miranda is also able to admit that she is in pain. She talks of being hurt, but she does so without attacking Blake in the process. Miranda does not claim to be “fine” – none of this conscious uncoupling for her. Instead, Miranda acknowledges that dealing with the break up is a process, and one she has only just begun.

“Some of that might mean nights on my porch crying, drinking whiskey, and going, ‘Man, this sucks right now.'”

Well done Miranda.

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