Beginning a marriage is a big decision. It’s equally as big to decide to end it. If your relationship is teetering on the brink of extinction and you’re shaking in your boots, it’s a perfectly reasonable reaction. Divorce is fraught with changes and challenges. You may need to move to a different home, get a new job, or raise your children as a single parent. These ideas can make you feel like you can never get through the process of divorce. The bright side is that you aren’t alone in feeling this way, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll get to it faster if you face your fears.
Understand Your Anxieties. A fear of divorce is often a collective fear of the numerous things you must face now that you are no longer with your partner. A great first step toward stabilizing your emotions is to make a list of everything you’re afraid of. You can make the list anywhere that’s convenient for you, and you never have to show anybody. It can include things like worries over money, raising your children, future happiness, and how others will view your breakup. This process can help you dig deep down inside yourself to understand what it is that truly bothers you, and you may find yourself listing fears you had never realized you had before.
See What You Can Solve. Now that you have this list, it’s time to use it. Check for any problems that are solvable. If you have concerns about your finances, then you can sit down and create a budget. Fears about child custody, spousal support, and the division of property might be addressed by a chat with your lawyer. It can alleviate quite a bit of worry when you know there is actually something you can do about your problems. Write the solutions down so you can refer back to them if you need to. Some solutions may be simple and straightforward, such as reducing your cell phone or cable plan to save on expenses. Others might be more abstract, like simply talking to a friend in order to feel better about your decision. Either way, you’ll feel much better knowing that there is something you can do to reduce your list of fears.
Distract Yourself. Divorce occupies your mind constantly. It invades your thoughts at work, while you’re trying to relax, and even sometimes when you’re asleep. If you can, try to find a hobby or activity that keeps your mind occupied enough that you get a break from thinking about separating from your spouse. Try doing something that requires a lot of physical exertion, such as running, swimming, or learning a new sport. Crafts, reading, traveling, and meditation are also great alternatives. Just make sure that your distraction is a healthy one. Overeating or indulging in too much alcohol will only make you feel worse about yourself and your fears.
Don’t let the fear of divorce stop you from living your life. Use a list to understand exactly what it is you’re afraid of, and then work to find solutions to these problems. When you can, find ways to take your mind off your divorce. Know that you aren’t alone in worrying about the future, and go easy on yourself. It’s a process that takes some time, and you will get through this.