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My Spouse Loves Me but Wants to Get a Divorce

It’s one of the most unfair scenarios in divorce: your spouse gives you conflicting information and exhibits mixed behaviour that leaves you drowning in confusion.

Your spouse might say, “I still love you, but I want a divorce.”

You might still be intimate with each other, but your spouse isn’t interested in the other aspects of married life, and that leaves you hurt, confused, and wondering what’s really going on.

Your spouse might say he or she needs space, come back and sweep you off your feet … only to need more space again.

No matter how it plays out, it’s unfair of your spouse to treat you this way. That kind of behaviour can cause you extreme emotional upheaval that can lead to mental health troubles, battered self-esteem, difficulty forming other relationships, and trust issues with other people (including your friends and family).

 

My Spouse Says He Loves Me But Wants a Divorce

When your spouse professes love for you but insists on getting a divorce  out of the blue, you’re left with some pretty big questions. You may be wondering if he just needs a little time to come to his senses, or whether she’s not really sure what she wants.

If this happens to you, it’s probably in your best interest to talk to a North York divorce lawyer. Remember, speaking with a lawyer doesn’t commit you to getting a divorce; instead, it’s a way to gain insight into what may be happening to your marriage and help you prepare for any eventuality. .

You might also ask your spouse to meet a therapist with you to find out if there is a way to save your marriage. Bear in mind that your spouse might disagree; in that case, it still might be a good idea to seek your own counseling.

Only you and your spouse can decide if you will separate or divorce, but it’s best to move forward knowing all your options.

Is He or She Telling the Truth?

Married couples get divorced when one or both parties feel like life would be better if they went their separate ways. Although it sounds strange, it is entirely possible that your spouse does still love you; after all, you’ve spent a significant amount of time in an intimate relationship, and the feelings you experienced are difficult to erase.

What To Do If My Spouse Wants a Divorce

Having a spouse suggest divorce unexpectedly could bring up a well of negative emotions. It’s a process that can be taxing for everyone involved, but it’s best to navigate the situation with a clear head. 

If your spouse has suggested divorce, the first thing to do is cool down and try to gain composure. Then, consider the following tips: 

  • Be open to communication. It’s important to let your partner feel like they can still talk to you. Allow them to come to you with questions or concerns.
  • Be respectful. During every interaction, try to remain respectful towards your spouse. Consider your spouse’s space and wishes while also maintaining self-respect.
  • Communicate your needs. If you still want to make the marriage work, you can bring up marriage counseling or couples therapy to your partner. If they agree, some counseling sessions could help your relationship recover.
  • Take care of the kids. Whether you’re a mom or dad, it’s crucial to maintain your relationship with the children. They are also vulnerable in this situation. You might end up being co-parents with your spouse, so try to avoid exposing your children to the conflict as much as possible.
  • Talk to a lawyer. You may still be in the early stages, but if your spouse insists on a divorce, it’s time to get some legal advice from a divorce and family lawyer. They will help you handle future scenarios involving child support, alimony, and your finances (e.g., joint accounts, division of property, etc.).
  • Keep living. If separation or divorce occurs, , it’s important to practice self-care and keep living. You might start a new life at the end of the process, so try not to lose yourself too much.

What Not To Do If My Spouse Wants a Divorce

No one wants to face the prospect of divorce, but sometimes it is unavoidable. If your spouse has made it clear that they want to end your marriage, it’s important to take a step back and think about the best way to proceed. Acting out of anger or trying to force your spouse to change their mind may make the situation worse. 

Here are a few things to avoid if your spouse wants a divorce: 

  • Don’t act out. It could be tempting to fall back on bad behaviour to cope with your feelings of hurt and disappointment, but try to exercise control. Keep yourself healthy both physically and emotionally.
  • Don’t be needy. Your spouse is probably asking for some space, and it’s best to let go and allow them this time for themselves. Both of you need to think about where your marriage will go.
  • Don’t gossip. You can seek support from  loved ones, but avoid gossiping about the impending divorce to your friends, family, and in-laws, especially on social media. This will likely push your spouse further away.
  • Do not try to manipulate them. Drastic changes to your behaviour such as saying “I love you” too much or telling them bad things would happen if they go through with the divorce, could come off as manipulative. This would not help your case.
  • Avoid spying. Following them around, checking their messages and emails, and demanding to know their whereabouts can destroy trust and  further deteriorate your relationship.

Schedule a Consultation with Our Family Law Lawyers in Ontario

Receiving mixed signals from a partner who insists on getting a divorce is a difficult experience. However, it’s important to look after your well-being and that of your children.

Aside from efforts to save your marriage, it’s time to seek legal assistance as well. Divorce is a difficult process to navigate due to its great emotional weight. An experienced and empathetic divorce lawyer from Gelman & Associates could provide sound advice and help make the process more bearable.

If you or your spouse are considering a divorce, expert legal advice is essential. Contact Gelman & Associates today for a consultation.

FAQs on My Spouse Says He Loves Me but Wants a Divorce

Divorce suggests the breakdown of a marriage. While everyone is different, here are some common red flags that indicate a divorce may be on the horizon: 

  • Your spouse doesn’t seem to care about your feelings or opinions.
  • They don’t seem willing to fix relationship conflicts.
  • They aren’t willing to communicate or are avoiding you.
  • You live like roommates, and your sex life has deteriorated.

It depends on your needs and the state of your relationship. A divorce is a legal termination of your marriage, meaning you could legally remarry after the process. Meanwhile, a separation keeps your marriage intact while you work through your issues. 

Some separations lead to divorce, while others do not. A separation may allow both parties to handle an impending  divorce more calmly.

If you still want to fix your marriage, it’s best to consult a marriage counselor or a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT). They will help you and your spouse have more productive conversations about the state and future of your marriage.

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