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Navigating Funerals with Your Ex

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Navigating Funerals with Your Ex

Funerals are stressful enough without having to see your ex-spouse, but unfortunately, sometimes that’s inevitable. If a family member or close friend has passed, you and your spouse may both want to pay your respects. Whether you’ve been divorced for ages or you’re still working with a North York divorce lawyer, you might have a difficult time attending a funeral when your ex is there.

Avoidance is Usually the Best Policy

If you and your ex didn’t have (or aren’t having) an amicable split, it’s usually a good idea to steer clear of each other at a funeral. A polite nod to acknowledge each other should be enough. If you’re comfortable doing so, you can offer your condolences—but remember, a funeral isn’t the appropriate place to discuss anything related to your divorce.

Some people just don’t understand boundaries, so if your ex tries to discuss your divorce or other personal details, politely decline. He or she should get the picture when you don’t rise to the occasion. If your ex won’t leave you alone, you’ll have to take the high road; that might include leaving to avoid causing a scene.

Bringing the Kids to a Funeral with Your Ex

You may need to bring your children to a funeral for your ex’s benefit, or your ex might need to bring them for yours. Again, a funeral isn’t the right venue to converse about your divorce; save your discussions, disagreements and arguments for a more appropriate day.

When the Funeral is for an Ex-Family Member

When an ex-in-law has passed away, it’s generally a good idea to call your former spouse and offer your condolences and ask permission to go to the funeral. If your ex shows up at the funeral of one of your family members or friends without consulting with you first, be gracious; he or she is grieving, too, and you can set aside your differences for the day.

When to Call Your North York Divorce Lawyer

It’s normal for your ex to want to attend the same funerals you attend. After all, you have connections with many of the same people because you were married. However, if your ex is going out of the way to intrude on your grief, you should call your lawyer (even if you’re already divorced).

Any time your ex is harassing you and you can’t stop his or her behaviour by asking nicely, let your North York divorce lawyer know. Your lawyer might be able to pursue legal solutions that can help prevent your ex from bothering you.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - divorce & separation

If you are litigating your matter, social media posts made by your spouse or partner may be relevant, especially if they contradict what your spouse is claiming in his or her pleadings.

For example, if a spouse is claiming financial hardship, a Facebook post that shows that spouse going on an expensive trip or posing with an expensive car can undermine such claim  and, potentially affect that party’s credibility in court if presented as evidence on a motion or at trial.

Further to photograph-based posts, statements that are made on social media by one party can be relevant if said posts (i) are related to the litigation, to issues of parenting  and/or (b) they contradict statements that were made by the party in his or her pleadings. For example, if a party who is attempting to establish that he or she is an appropriate custodial parent, then recent social media posts about extensive partying and drug use made by that party may be relevant in court, as they may speak to that party’s fitness when it comes to appropriate supervision of a child in his or her care.

The Ontario Attorney General’s website estimates that divorce proceedings can take approximately four to six months to complete, provided that all documents have been appropriately accomplished and submitted on time.

No. The law does not favour mothers over fathers in divorce proceedings. The judge will base his decision on the evidence laid out by both parties.

The main distinction between divorce and separation is that divorce ends your marriage formally. You and your partner are no longer married.
If you’re separated, you’re still legally married to each other even if you receive a formal separation, and you must continue to record that you’re married on documents.

No. You are not required to get a lawyer for a divorce. However, it is best if you retain one to ensure that you fully understand all your rights and obligations.

A joint divorce application occurs when you and your spouse both agree to a divorce and on all other family law matters such as parenting, spousal support, or division of property.

Yes, it is different. Family law problems are addressed mainly by provincial laws in Ontario. Divorce law, on the other hand, is controlled by federal legislation in the form of the Divorce Act, which applies uniformly across the country.

Divorce can be a difficult decision to make, especially if you’re unsure if your partner will sign the petition. However, a divorce does not require your partner’s consent. Although it may be a long process if your partner doesn’t comply, they will not be able to stop you indefinitely.

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