Many separated couples choose to continue living in the same house while ending their marriage. Some couples choose to share a roof for financial reasons, while others feel the transition will be easier on the family if they cohabitate until the divorce process is over. Since every case is different, discuss your options with your North York divorce lawyer. The decision to move, or to ask your spouse to move, might affect your case.
If you choose to live in the same house with your soon-to-be ex, you face a unique set of challenges that people who physically separate don’t have to deal with. It’s important to keep your North York divorce lawyer in the loop. If your situation changes, your lawyer can help you make the right decisions at the right times.
Same House, New Rules
Staying in the same house after you’ve decided to divorce can be tough. You and your spouse will need to lay some ground rules. Naturally, you’ll want to discuss what constitutes a legal separation with your North York divorce lawyer; don’t assume that you’re legally separated without consulting your lawyer first.
Although the Ontario Divorce Act states that couples must live “separate and apart”, this does not necessarily mean that you have to live in different houses. If your relationship has ended, but you remain in the same house as your spouse for any reason (i.e. children, finances, etc.) you can still be deemed to be living “separate and apart”. The important aspect is that you are no longer behaving like a married couple.
Your new house rules will likely include:
- No sex. You and your spouse should avoid being intimate with each other for the duration of time you live under the same roof.
- No dating. While you may be finished with your marriage, wait until your North York divorce lawyer gives you the go-ahead before you start dating someone new.
- No family activities. Although you and your spouse still live together, you’ll probably need to stop doing things together as a family. If you don’t, you’ll run the risk of confusing your children and might jeopardize the status of your separation.
- No shared finances. Separate your bank accounts and stop relying on each other’s income once you’ve decided to split. You can each contribute to the mortgage and to the financial obligations you have toward your kids, but try to avoid buying each other’s food, necessities and gifts.
- No public pretenses. Take off your wedding rings and let friends and family know you’re getting divorced. Don’t attend parties or work events together and stop presenting yourselves as a couple in public.
Set Up Your Own Space
Part of being separated means having your own space, even if it’s within a house you’re sharing with your soon-to-be ex. Move (or ask your ex to move) into another bedroom, and keep your private business private.
Having your own space is vital to surviving separation when you live with your ex. You need a place you can retreat to when a fight is looming or when you just want to be alone.
Stick to the Rules and Maintain Your Privacy
Staying firmly in touch with your ground rules can help preserve your sanity during divorce. You, your spouse and your kids will be less confused about the situation, and moving on will be easier—particularly if you have your own room, your own bed and your own belongings in a private space of your own.
If you’re having a hard time living under the same roof but don’t feel you have other options, talk to your North York divorce lawyer. He or she might be able to give you a nudge in the right direction.