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The Psychological Effects of Staying Together for the Kids

Published: May 15, 2013

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The Psychological Effects of Staying Together for the Kids

If you have children and you feel like you’re trapped in an unhappy marriage, you might find yourself facing some big questions. Is it better to stay married and deal with fighting, discomfort and other issues, or will you and your children be better off if you head to a Richmond Hill divorce lawyer’s office to dissolve your marriage?

While no one can make that decision for you, it’s worth discussing with your spouse. You might be surprised at his or her answer—and in the meantime, you might find it interesting what leading psychologists and sociologists are saying.

Pro-Marriage versus Pro-Happiness

Depending on where you get your facts, you’ll probably read conflicting views. The pro-marriage camp will often tell you that divorce can cause long-lasting trauma to your kids that they’ll eventually need to sort out with intensive therapy, while many mental health professionals disagree.

“The worst situation for kids is when unhappily married parents, particularly those in high-conflict marriages, stay together,” writes sociologist Christine Carter, Ph.D. for Psychology Today. In fact, some studies suggest that prolonged conflict is an indicator of eventual domestic violence, which unquestionably harms children.

Conflict Harms Kids More than Divorce

Kids are generally happier when their parents aren’t constantly stressed and when they’re not subjected to fighting or conflict. In many cases, talking to a Richmond Hill divorce lawyer is the beginning of a fresh start for the whole family; often, that leads to more well-adjusted and mentally healthy kids.

Reaching for Inner—and Outer—Peace

When you’re stressed, worn-out and frustrated over your marriage, it’s tough to give your kids your best. It’s difficult to argue with your spouse in one breath and ask your child how his or her day went in the next. Focusing your attention on your child can seem next to impossible when there’s constant conflict brewing.

Talking to a Richmond Hill divorce lawyer can help you gain perspective and discover how your life, and your kids’ lives, might be different if you and your spouse decide to separate. He or she will discuss your options as far as child custody and visitation to help you determine whether or not you want to go through a divorce. Your lawyer may even be able to recommend a local therapist who can talk to your family about the changes you’re all going through and help each of you work through this transitional period.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - divorce & separation

If you are litigating your matter, social media posts made by your spouse or partner may be relevant, especially if they contradict what your spouse is claiming in his or her pleadings.

For example, if a spouse is claiming financial hardship, a Facebook post that shows that spouse going on an expensive trip or posing with an expensive car can undermine such claim  and, potentially affect that party’s credibility in court if presented as evidence on a motion or at trial.

Further to photograph-based posts, statements that are made on social media by one party can be relevant if said posts (i) are related to the litigation, to issues of parenting  and/or (b) they contradict statements that were made by the party in his or her pleadings. For example, if a party who is attempting to establish that he or she is an appropriate custodial parent, then recent social media posts about extensive partying and drug use made by that party may be relevant in court, as they may speak to that party’s fitness when it comes to appropriate supervision of a child in his or her care.

The Ontario Attorney General’s website estimates that divorce proceedings can take approximately four to six months to complete, provided that all documents have been appropriately accomplished and submitted on time.

No. The law does not favour mothers over fathers in divorce proceedings. The judge will base his decision on the evidence laid out by both parties.

The main distinction between divorce and separation is that divorce ends your marriage formally. You and your partner are no longer married.
If you’re separated, you’re still legally married to each other even if you receive a formal separation, and you must continue to record that you’re married on documents.

No. You are not required to get a lawyer for a divorce. However, it is best if you retain one to ensure that you fully understand all your rights and obligations.

A joint divorce application occurs when you and your spouse both agree to a divorce and on all other family law matters such as parenting, spousal support, or division of property.

Yes, it is different. Family law problems are addressed mainly by provincial laws in Ontario. Divorce law, on the other hand, is controlled by federal legislation in the form of the Divorce Act, which applies uniformly across the country.

Divorce can be a difficult decision to make, especially if you’re unsure if your partner will sign the petition. However, a divorce does not require your partner’s consent. Although it may be a long process if your partner doesn’t comply, they will not be able to stop you indefinitely.

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