Alexander Graham Bell wisely said, “Before anything else, preparation is the key to success.” The following preliminary steps will help prepare you for jumping back into the dating pool,
- Identifying what you want at this time in your life
- Defining your personal standards and boundaries
- Fortifying your support group of friendships
- Introducing yourself to the new you, and
- Taking active care of your beauty, body and wellbeing.
After the introspective reflection and outward manifestation of your emotional and physical work, the next step is dating. Toronto divorce lawyers will be the first to tell you that no divorce is the same and every circumstance is different. The same rings true for the post-divorce dating experience. There is no one right way or magic formula for success. However, adhering to the following tips will make your transition smoother and much more enjoyable.
1. Say ‘yes’ to new experiences.
Dating is a new experience for a divorcee, and saying “yes” is the only way to get started. Not only will this affirm your positive and optimistic outlook on life, but saying “yes” will open up a variety of doors to people you may have never met otherwise. Say “yes” to blind dates, to party invitations, to dating sites, to friendly neighbours, and to coffee. Dating after divorce is different than dating as a young adult. As you rediscover your sense of self as an adult and divorcee, the characteristics you once found attractive will likely have changed since your first time around. By saying “yes” to a number of different people and situations, you will slowly delineate what traits you like and don’t like. When it is time to find a more serious relationship, you will be more aware of what you are really looking for.
2. Say ‘no’ to experiences you are not comfortable with.
A Toronto divorce lawyer will protect your legal rights throughout the separation process and advise you to protect yourself as well. Dating after divorce can be thrilling and exciting. Through this whirlwind of romance, it is important to remain true and honest with yourself. Just because the dating world has changed since you were once in it, does not mean that you must compromise your values or integrity to fit in. While you may wish to step outside of your comfort zone, it is equally important that you remain conscientious of your personal boundaries and limitations. Feel confident to walk away from situations that make you feel in any way uncomfortable. As an adult and a divorcee, you are entitled to positive, healthy, and enjoyable experiences that fulfill your wants and needs. Relationships require compromise, but dating does not require the concession of one’s core values.
3. Leave the therapy for your therapist.
You may discuss the separation process at length with family, friends, therapists and of course a Toronto divorce lawyer. A divorce is multifaceted and a defining point in one’s life. While one’s previous marriage and its termination are significant, it is not a topic for first date conversations. It may be tempting to get a new person’s point of view on “what went wrong,” but your date will not appreciate the inquiry. Leave any negative feelings, anger, resentment or mistrust at the door. Feel free to explore these feelings with the appropriate party at the appropriate time; a date is neither one of those parties nor one of those times. Focus on moving forward and enjoying the company of the person who has chosen to spend time with you. If you dwell on your past, you will never be able to appreciate just how great the present can look.
4. Prepare yourself for heartbreak.
Toronto divorce lawyers deal with the dissolution of partnerships on a regular basis. They are well equipped to handle the difficulties that come with a divorce by being knowledgeable and prepared. Similarly, you should be prepared for the pitfalls of dating. Not everyone you meet will have as true intentions as yours. There will be bad dates and there will be great dates. Take each experience in stride while staying open to learning new lessons and growing from each encounter. Dating can give rise to plenty of heartwarming moments and sometimes some heartbreak. To avoid the latter path, keep your expectations in check. A date is just a date, a few hours to get to know someone new. It is not
a promise of a future and it is not indicative of what one’s relationship will look like. Stay present and be realistic with your expectations to steer clear of unnecessary disappointment.
5. Have fun.
A Toronto divorce lawyer might leave you with these parting words: “enjoy the rest of your life and have fun!” Life after divorce does not have to be as challenging as the process itself. Dating should be fun. You will make mistakes, and that is okay. You will also meet great people if you open yourself up to the opportunity. Dating, unlike marriage, is not a serious commitment. There are no real rules, only the rules you make for yourself.