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My Ex Just Wants to Hurt MeYou and your ex might not be on the best terms. Because divorce involves such intense emotions, it’s fairly common for people to behave in ways they wouldn’t under normal circumstances. In some cases, one party seems to fixate on hurting the other—and generally, that’s bad news all around.

When your ex just seems to want to hurt you when it comes to dividing up your marital property or scheduling visits with your children, talk to your Toronto divorce lawyer. He or she might recommend working with a mediator to reach fair solutions.

But what about dealing with your ex on a personal level?

Dealing with a Hurtful Ex

If your ex is bent on hurting you, the most effective tactic you can employ is to revoke his or her permission to do so. When your ex says or does damaging things, you can either engage or walk away—and your Toronto divorce lawyer will probably recommend that you do the latter. First, it’s emotionally healthier to steer clear of drama; second, it’s easier to negotiate the terms of your divorce and better for your children if you can limit the amount of raw emotion you use to make decisions.

Generally, responding to your ex’s hurtful remarks or deeds is a form of encouragement; he or she is likely trying to get your attention, and if it works, the behaviour will probably continue.

Psychologists suggest that choosing your battles is essential. For example, if your ex is trying to set up a schedule that gives you minimal time with your children because he or she is angry with you, that’s a fight you’ll need to take up. On the other hand, some things don’t matter that much when you look at the big picture, such as rude text messages or angry emails that attempt to shred your self-esteem—while they do have the capacity to hurt your feelings, they’re not even worth responding to.

Keeping Your Toronto Divorce Lawyer “In the Loop”

Make sure your Toronto divorce lawyer is aware that your ex is acting this way. Your lawyer is there to protect your rights under the law, and there is no room in the legal system for your ex’s irrational behaviour.

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