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High Conflict Custody Cases

Published: October 17, 2013

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High Conflict Custody Cases

Every divorce is different and has its own unique set of circumstances. Sometimes parties to a divorce simply realize they have grown apart and amicably decide to go their separate ways. Other situations are more contentious. While it is preferable for parties to be able to work out family law issues by reaching amicable agreements without resorting to litigation, such action is not always possible.

Unfortunately, when parents are unable to get along, custody disputes can become particularly heated. When one parent is specifically hurt or angry, they may feel it appropriate to withhold access to the child, or worse, say negative things about the other parent to the child. As horrible as it may sound, parents involved in high conflict divorces occasionally use the children as pawns or weapons.

In high conflict custody cases both legal and mental health practitioners agree that early intervention and assessment by the courts is necessary. One of the issues that a court will address immediately is parental alienation.

Parental Alienation

In situations where a parent is either preventing the child from seeing the other parent, or poisoning the child with negative talk about the other parent, the court can issue a wide variety of sanctions including being held in contempt of court. A finding of parental alienation can even result in the modification of an existing custody order. If a parent’s alienation has affected the child in a way that requires the child to receive counselling or therapy, that party may be asked to pay the entire costs of treatment.

High conflict cases are particularly complex and require the attention of professionals who are trained to assist the parties to determine the best interests of the child. The solution in these cases is often difficult to determine as well. The court will always act in the best interest of the child, and even in cases where a parent is found guilty of parental alienation, the court still may determine that child should either reside with or have access to the offending parent. These cases are difficult and the court has to take great care in making decisions to benefit the best interest of the child.

Suggestions and Advice

If you feel your custody issues will be particularly contentious, there are several things you can do to help your child. First, you should never badmouth your ex in front of or directly to your child. No matter what your former partner has done to enrage or hurt you, you should not involve your child. Poisoning your child against the other parent hurts the child more than anyone.

If you find yourself involved in a high conflict case, another thing that can help you is legal assistance. You should hire a lawyer, or if you are not able to afford a lawyer, you should contact Legal Aid.  A lawyer will recognize the complexity of the case, give you advice, and also ensure that your case is addressed quickly. A lawyer will also recognize if your child needs an independent children’s lawyer and can suggest programs or counselling methods for your child to attend.

Finally, children involved in high custody disputes should have access to some sort of counselling or therapy. Even if you think you have done a good job of shielding your child from the bitterness between yourself and your former partner, chances are that your child has noticed. Children are observant and will often pick up on things regardless of a parent’s effort to conceal it. Because children are particularly vulnerable and emotional we suggest that they have a forum to address their feelings concerning the divorce. Whether that is by way of formal counselling or therapy, or simply discussing the matter with a school counsellor, favourite teacher, or mentor, your child should have someone to talk to (other than you) about their feelings concerning the divorce.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - child custody & access

It is not uncommon for someone to want to relocate after a divorce. If you still live in the marital residence, the familiar surroundings and memories may be too much for your heart to handle. Or in the process of reinventing yourself post-divorce you may want to take a new job, move closer to your friends and family, or simply wish to start fresh somewhere new. There are many reasons a person may want to move after going through a divorce, however if you have children you will need to think twice before making a big move.

Emotionally, it can be challenging for a child to move to an unfamiliar place. Often, they are most at ease in a familiar environment with access to family and friends. Changing schools, living in a new city or even a new house can be difficult on a child, especially after dealing with the emotional turmoil associated with divorce.

Legally, there are certain implications to relocating away from the current jurisdiction where the children ordinarily reside. Before moving you and the noncustodial parent can negotiate with the absence of a lawyer, a written agreement about the moce and any changes to visitation that may be needed. If you cannot reach an agreement about the move, you then must file an Application/Motion to the court to hear your matter and for a judge to make a decision before you move. Usually the court requires at least 30 days notice to the other parent of your court Application/Motion. It may take longer to reach an agreement with the other parent or get a court order. It is a good idea to give notice of 90 days before the move, as as soon as possible and to consult with a lawyer first. Upon receiving this notice, they can challenge your proposed change of residence or apply for a variation to the existing custody or access orders.

The leading case that sets out the legal test in determining mobility is Gordon vs. Goertz (1996) 2. S.C.R. 27

Similar to any other action involving variation of an existing custody order, the person challenging the relocation has to show that the move will result in a material change in circumstances affecting the child. Once this has been established, a judge will determine the best interests of the child in light of the relevant circumstances. These relevant circumstances include the existing custody and access relationship, the relationship between the child and the custodial parent, the views of the child, and the reason for the proposed change of residence among other circumstances. As with every other custody proceeding, the judges determination will turn on the best interests of the child. The judge’s inquiry is individualized and will involve all factors relevant to the case at hand.

Because mobility has become so easy in today’s society, often separation agreements or custody orders will address relocation and place specific restrictions on changing residences. Non-removal clauses that ban the extra-provincial removal of children without consent of the noncustodial parent. In these cases, the custodial parent who wishes to relocate will have to initiate the action by placing an application with the court.

If you are contemplating a move, you must consider the emotional needs of your child, as well as your former spouse’s right to challenge your relocation. Typically, courts only allow a custodial parent to relocate if the proposed move is in good faith and not intended to frustrate the noncustodial parent’s relationship with the child. Additionally, if a custodial parent relocates, they must be willing to accommodate the noncustodial parent’s access to the child; sometimes this means that the relocating parent will have to pay the additional costs of access.

In sum, if you are a custodial parent, moving isn’t as easy as just loading up the car and hitting the road – but it is still possible.

Yes, but they will need to establish paternity, especially if the father and the mother separate. Here are the ways to establish paternity as recognized by the court:

  • Act of birth
  • Presumption of paternity
  • Uninterrupted possession of status
  • Voluntary declaration

No. Even when the parents are unmarried, divorced, or separated, one parent cannot keep the child from seeing the other unless the court deems it appropriate to the child’s best interests.

Historically, mothers have been more likely to get sole custody of their child in both consent and contested orders, as they are usually the child’s primary caregiver. However, as more mothers also work outside the home, courts could also rule in favor of the father.

The majority of judges strive to make decisions that are in your children’s best interest. Giving full custody to one parent is usually the best option, except in cases with concerns such as child or substance abuse. This typically means keeping in contact with and maintaining relationships with both parents.
You should do everything possible to prepare for the subsequent child custody negotiations, whether you’re a parent seeking full custody or shared custody:
Be honest with yourself about your ability to manage things alone, in terms of practicality, finances, and other factors. You may get the result you want by presenting the strongest case for custody by doing the following:

  • Make a Strategy: If custody is granted, a court will expect you to be ready. Compile thoughtful replies to hypothetical queries posed in court.
  • Speak with people who have gone through the child custody procedure before you. They may provide you advice and tell you what to anticipate.
  • Judges look for proof of a meaningful relationship in addition to making sure you can provide a child’s practical and basic needs. Simply put, be involved in your children’s lives.
  • Continue to pay child support regularly, whether you’re asking the court for full or shared custody. When you start the procedure, you’ll want to make sure you have a strong track record.
  • Keep a detailed log of your visitation schedule. This is a crucial aspect of obtaining child custody. Visitation records reflect how often you see your children under the present arrangements and your dependability, as well as dedication to them.
  • During all child custody hearings, the court will inquire about acceptable living accommodations. Even if you live in a tiny apartment, you should create a unique and secure environment for your child.
  • Courts may determine child custody in part by how you treat your child’s other parent. Being hostile or unpleasant to the other parent makes collaborative decision-making more complicated and can break apart parent-child ties. As a result, judges are more inclined to favor the parent who isn’t behaving badly.
  • While parents typically spend a lot of time thinking about what they believe is best for their children, children’s perspectives are sometimes overlooked. The court will be interested in learning what the children desire and will most likely question them directly at some point throughout the proceedings. You can better inform your decision-making by asking your child what they think.

No. Parenting time and child support are different from each other. While it is a child’s right to be provided with financial support, it is also their right to spend time with their parents. Thus, even if the child support was cancelled the parent formerly supporting can still enjoy parenting time with the child.

“There is no fixed age for when a child can say which parent they want to live with after a divorce. However, by law, a child must be 16 years old to decide on this matter. The exception to this is when there is a court order stating that a child/ren must live with one parent until they turn 17 or 18.

Under certain circumstances, it is possible to legally prevent your child/ren’s father from seeing or contacting them. It may be necessary if he presents a potential danger to your child/ren. If you were never married to the father of your child and there is no court order saying otherwise, you can do anything you want until paternity is confirmed.

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