When parents separate or divorce, they normally begin living apart while children move back and forth between their new homes. But what if you want your children to continue living in one family home while you and your former partner switch out? This arrangement is called “bird’s nest parenting”, and has been a growing trend in Canada over the last few decades. Also sometimes referred to as “nesting”, bird’s nest parenting time arrangements allow families to provide stability for children during already tumultuous times of divorce.
In this post, our family law lawyer Jeffrey Mammon outlines the benefits, drawbacks, and legal considerations that come along with bird’s nest parenting time arrangements, as well as how to determine whether they’re the right fit for your family. While nesting is not a one-size-fits-all solution, understanding the facts can help you make an informed and educated decision for your family.
If you have questions about decision-making responsibility, parenting time, or a parenting plan for your family, you can reach out to Gelman & Associates today. Our experienced Toronto family lawyers have a thorough knowledge of every aspect of family law, meaning we can help you explore your legal options no matter what your situation is. To schedule your consultation with our team, contact us today.
What Are Bird’s Nest Parenting Time Arrangements?
Bird’s nest parenting (nesting) is an arrangement where children continuously live in the family home while each parent rotates in and out according to a set schedule. Essentially, both parents will live at their family residence on a part-time basis in order to avoid living with one another. This type of co-parenting style is unique and, at the moment, less common than arrangements where children move between homes. However, some families find that when children do not have to move between two homes following separation or divorce, they have more stability physically and emotionally.
Bird’s nest parenting can be a short-term or long-term solution, depending on the needs and preferences of your family. While some people engage in bird’s nest parenting time for only a few months while the sale of their matrimonial home is finalized or the terms of their divorce are settled, others commit to it for years until children move away from home.
While bird’s nest parenting has existed for decades, it has begun to grow in popularity in Canada in the last 20-30 years. In fact, at Gelman & Associates, over 10% of parenting time cases our lawyers work on involve some form of bird’s nest parenting arrangement.
What Are the Pros and Cons of Bird’s Nest Parenting Plans?
Although nesting has been growing in popularity, it is important to remember there are pros and cons to every type of parenting time arrangement. The most desirable option for you will depend on the dynamics within your family.
Some pros of bird’s nest parenting time arrangements include:
- Stability and Continuity for Children: By having children reside at a single family residence throughout your separation or divorce, you minimize any disruptions to their home, school, or community. You can reduce stress by ensuring they get to keep the same routine, bedroom, social environment, and more. This can be particularly beneficial for younger children or adolescents, as moving between homes can be taxing.
- Can Be a Temporary Solution: Bird’s nest parenting is a great option when you and your former partner need space to sort out the legal and financial aspects of your divorce before making long-term decisions. You will have more time before you have to sell your family home or finalize a custody (decision-making responsibility) agreement.
- Beneficial for Children with Special Needs: If you have a child that requires a specialized living environment (e.g., wheelchair accessibility or home modifications), keeping them in the home you have already outfitted may be beneficial. It will ensure continuity of care for your child, and will also prevent the need for duplicating accessibility features across multiple homes.
- You Can Commit Long-Term: While bird’s nest parenting is often viewed as a temporary arrangement, sometimes it is the best long-term option for a family. If you and your partner have the financial means to support multiple residences, you can continue to swap out living at the family home until your children become adults. For example, some families nest for years at a time in order to keep their children in desirable school districts.
Although there are many pros to bird’s nest parenting time arrangements, there can also be cons. Some of these include:
- High Financial Cost: When children stay in one residence and parents swap out, each parent will need to maintain their own residence outside of the family home. This can be expensive, as you may need to collectively pay for up to three spaces at a time.
- Potential Conflict Between Parents: If parents do not get along or are engaged in a contentious divorce, bird’s nest parenting may not be ideal. Housekeeping or maintenance issues can cause arguments (such as one parent leaving the home messy or failing to restock groceries). For nesting to work, there must be clear rules and expectations set out in your parenting plan.
- Complicated Logistics: Managing a rotating schedule between parents can be difficult. This is especially true if there are multiple work commitments or one parent lives further away from the family residence than the other.
- Privacy Concerns: Nesting parents will still technically be sharing a home, even if they don’t live in it at the same time. It is important to set clear rules pertaining to personal belongings, boundaries, and new relationships to maintain privacy. In the event that one parent re-partners, the situation can be further complicated.
How Do You Know if a Bird’s Nest Parenting Plan is Right For You?
As mentioned above, there are both pros and cons to bird’s nest parenting time arrangements. Whether they are right for you will depend on your family. They are normally considered by parents who want to minimize disruptions to their children’s lives while transitioning through separation and divorce. They can also be very effective for partners who need time to negotiate the terms of their separation agreement before they make decisions about the family home.
If you’re thinking about nesting, you may want to first consider:
- The age of your children
- Your and your co-parents financial situation
- Your ability to communicate and co-parent with minimal conflict
- Living arrangements for parents when they are not with the child
Although every situation is different, bird’s nest parenting time arrangements can be a great option when both parents:
- Can afford multiple residences
- Have a respectful co-parenting relationship
- Are willing to create and follow clear guidelines in a parenting plan
If you’re having trouble weighing the pros and cons of a bird’s nest parenting plan, our family law lawyers at Gelman & Associates can help. With experience handling a wide variety of decision-making responsibility arrangements, we can advise you on your best options based on past cases we’ve assisted with. Contact us today to get started.
How to Create a Bird’s Nest Parenting Plan
There are a few crucial steps involved in the creation of bird’s nest parenting plans. While the exact details of yours will be unique depending on your children and co-parent, the process can be similar.
You will most likely need to:
- Consult a Family Lawyer: Lawyers will help you draft and negotiate your parenting plan. They can help you customize the agreement to your family’s unique situation when you speak to them about your circumstances. In addition, they will make sure your parenting plan is legally enforceable by having it reviewed and signed.
- Set Clear Rules and Expectations: You will need to create very detailed guidelines about how you and your co-parent will split your time between the family home and the duties each of you will adhere to. For example, you should outline housekeeping responsibilities, set privacy boundaries, and determine who is responsible for maintenance and repairs. The more thorough you are, the less likely conflicts are to arise.
- Establish a Trial Period: Many parenting agreements include a provision for a 3-6 month trial period. This allows families to test their parenting time arrangement without committing to it for years at a time. If you find that you need to reevaluate and adjust before creating a long-term plan, you will have the opportunity to do so at the end of your trial period.
Bird’s nest parenting plans (and parenting plans in general) are legally enforceable when they are drafted by a lawyer as a domestic contract. In some cases, if you go to court with your co-parent during your separation or divorce, a judge can issue a temporary order to test a bird’s nest parenting arrangement before it becomes permanent.
Normally, judges will only order a nesting arrangement when:
- It has already been proposed by one parent or their lawyer
- It makes financial sense for both parents
- It is in the child’s best interests
It is important to note that if you have already sold your matrimonial home before establishing your parenting time arrangement, bird’s nest parenting may not be an ideal option. If you have questions, it is recommended you speak with a family lawyer.
Contact Gelman & Associates Today to Begin Drafting Your Bird’s Nest Parenting Plan
Bird’s nest parenting time arrangements are unique, but may very well be the right fit for you and your family if you wish to prioritize stability for your children. If you believe that you have the financial resources, strong co-parenting ability, and willingness to plan carefully, you should consider moving forward with nesting.
At Gelman & Associates, we can assess whether a bird’s nest arrangement might work for you. If you decide to move forward, our legal team is ready to draft legally sound agreements, help you negotiate the terms, and address concerns you may not have thought about yourself. To get started drafting your parenting plan today, contact us today.
