Gelman Family Law Lawyers

Over 200+ 5-Star Google Reviews

Book Consult

Parental Alienation & Parenting Plans

Published: March 13, 2024

Book Consult1-844-736-0200
Parental Alienation & Parenting Plans

If you believe your ex-spouse may be trying to alienate your child or children from you, you are likely very stressed and you might be wondering how to address it without creating even more conflict. The severity of parental alienation and the impact varies widely as do the approaches required depending on the circumstances and level of severity. One way of attempting to reduce or prevent parental alienation early on is through incorporating terms in a parenting plan which provide clear guidelines and guard rails to both parents for expectations regarding their co-parenting relationship and their relationship with the child or children as everyone learns to navigate parenting while separated.

Family courts, family law professionals and clinical professionals have greatly improved their understanding of parental alienation in recent years. This means that there is a much more defined and clear legal definition and clinical definition for what parental alienation is.

Very broadly speaking, parental alienation is when one parent, influences a child or children causing them to fear, hate, avoid and reject the other parent without reason. The child or children will often have had a positive, even close relationship with the other parent before the separation and only after separation will they begin to say they are afraid of and don’t want to see the other parent.

In a recent decision, Y.H.P. v. J.N., 2023 ONSC 5766, Justice Kraft provided a detailed description of alienation and listed behaviors by both the child and alienating parent which the Court may look for as signs that parental alienation is occurring. Some of the behaviors demonstrated by the child in instances of parental alienation may be that they see one parent as all good and the other as all bad; their hatred for the other parent is based on reasons which are not true or don’t justify the level of hatred; they may speak about the parent they have rejected in a way which sounds rehearsed or includes language which is not childlike. The parent who is influencing the child may do things like insisting the child makes the decisions about contact; they may ignore the child after the child spends time with the other parent, or may even show they are angry that the child has spent time with the other parent; the parent may even tell the child false stories about how the other parent has harmed the child.

There is no question that parental alienation causes harm to the child. Children who have been alienated are at greater risk for developing depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges, they also tend to have poorer outcomes academically and in their own relationships later in life.

So, what can be done to prevent or reduce the impact of parental alienation on the child’s relationship with the parent being targeted? If signs are emerging that parental alienation may be taking place or you are concerned about the possibility, a detailed parenting plan can help. A parenting plan can provide the terms for the way parents communicate with each other, as well as with the child. It is important to build in clear expectations within the parenting plan as to how the parents speak about each other with the child. It should be clear that it is not appropriate or permitted to have discussions about the legal issues related to the separation with the child, or to make disparaging comments about the other parent or their family to the child or in their presence.

A parenting plan can also provide clear terms for makeup parenting time. This is aimed at discouraging either parent from interfering with or preventing the other parent from having their schedule parenting time. Many parenting plans will clearly state that if a child is sick, unless their doctor has advised they should not travel, the child is still to transition between their parents care per the parenting time schedule. The plan may also automatically add make-up time onto a parent’s next period of scheduled parenting time when parenting time is missed. For example, if a parent misses an overnight during the week, but if that upcoming weekend is their parenting time, they may have an additional overnight added on at the end of their weekend, after which the regular schedule will resume.

If you and your partner are experiencing high levels of conflict even after being separated for some time, a more detailed parenting plan is often helpful. If parental alienation has become severe, then you may wish to consider court intervention and specialized resources.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - child custody & access

It is not uncommon for someone to want to relocate after a divorce. If you still live in the marital residence, the familiar surroundings and memories may be too much for your heart to handle. Or in the process of reinventing yourself post-divorce you may want to take a new job, move closer to your friends and family, or simply wish to start fresh somewhere new. There are many reasons a person may want to move after going through a divorce, however if you have children you will need to think twice before making a big move.

Emotionally, it can be challenging for a child to move to an unfamiliar place. Often, they are most at ease in a familiar environment with access to family and friends. Changing schools, living in a new city or even a new house can be difficult on a child, especially after dealing with the emotional turmoil associated with divorce.

Legally, there are certain implications to relocating away from the current jurisdiction where the children ordinarily reside. Before moving you and the noncustodial parent can negotiate with the absence of a lawyer, a written agreement about the moce and any changes to visitation that may be needed. If you cannot reach an agreement about the move, you then must file an Application/Motion to the court to hear your matter and for a judge to make a decision before you move. Usually the court requires at least 30 days notice to the other parent of your court Application/Motion. It may take longer to reach an agreement with the other parent or get a court order. It is a good idea to give notice of 90 days before the move, as as soon as possible and to consult with a lawyer first. Upon receiving this notice, they can challenge your proposed change of residence or apply for a variation to the existing custody or access orders.

The leading case that sets out the legal test in determining mobility is Gordon vs. Goertz (1996) 2. S.C.R. 27

Similar to any other action involving variation of an existing custody order, the person challenging the relocation has to show that the move will result in a material change in circumstances affecting the child. Once this has been established, a judge will determine the best interests of the child in light of the relevant circumstances. These relevant circumstances include the existing custody and access relationship, the relationship between the child and the custodial parent, the views of the child, and the reason for the proposed change of residence among other circumstances. As with every other custody proceeding, the judges determination will turn on the best interests of the child. The judge’s inquiry is individualized and will involve all factors relevant to the case at hand.

Because mobility has become so easy in today’s society, often separation agreements or custody orders will address relocation and place specific restrictions on changing residences. Non-removal clauses that ban the extra-provincial removal of children without consent of the noncustodial parent. In these cases, the custodial parent who wishes to relocate will have to initiate the action by placing an application with the court.

If you are contemplating a move, you must consider the emotional needs of your child, as well as your former spouse’s right to challenge your relocation. Typically, courts only allow a custodial parent to relocate if the proposed move is in good faith and not intended to frustrate the noncustodial parent’s relationship with the child. Additionally, if a custodial parent relocates, they must be willing to accommodate the noncustodial parent’s access to the child; sometimes this means that the relocating parent will have to pay the additional costs of access.

In sum, if you are a custodial parent, moving isn’t as easy as just loading up the car and hitting the road – but it is still possible.

Yes, but they will need to establish paternity, especially if the father and the mother separate. Here are the ways to establish paternity as recognized by the court:

  • Act of birth
  • Presumption of paternity
  • Uninterrupted possession of status
  • Voluntary declaration

No. Even when the parents are unmarried, divorced, or separated, one parent cannot keep the child from seeing the other unless the court deems it appropriate to the child’s best interests.

Historically, mothers have been more likely to get sole custody of their child in both consent and contested orders, as they are usually the child’s primary caregiver. However, as more mothers also work outside the home, courts could also rule in favor of the father.

The majority of judges strive to make decisions that are in your children’s best interest. Giving full custody to one parent is usually the best option, except in cases with concerns such as child or substance abuse. This typically means keeping in contact with and maintaining relationships with both parents.
You should do everything possible to prepare for the subsequent child custody negotiations, whether you’re a parent seeking full custody or shared custody:
Be honest with yourself about your ability to manage things alone, in terms of practicality, finances, and other factors. You may get the result you want by presenting the strongest case for custody by doing the following:

  • Make a Strategy: If custody is granted, a court will expect you to be ready. Compile thoughtful replies to hypothetical queries posed in court.
  • Speak with people who have gone through the child custody procedure before you. They may provide you advice and tell you what to anticipate.
  • Judges look for proof of a meaningful relationship in addition to making sure you can provide a child’s practical and basic needs. Simply put, be involved in your children’s lives.
  • Continue to pay child support regularly, whether you’re asking the court for full or shared custody. When you start the procedure, you’ll want to make sure you have a strong track record.
  • Keep a detailed log of your visitation schedule. This is a crucial aspect of obtaining child custody. Visitation records reflect how often you see your children under the present arrangements and your dependability, as well as dedication to them.
  • During all child custody hearings, the court will inquire about acceptable living accommodations. Even if you live in a tiny apartment, you should create a unique and secure environment for your child.
  • Courts may determine child custody in part by how you treat your child’s other parent. Being hostile or unpleasant to the other parent makes collaborative decision-making more complicated and can break apart parent-child ties. As a result, judges are more inclined to favor the parent who isn’t behaving badly.
  • While parents typically spend a lot of time thinking about what they believe is best for their children, children’s perspectives are sometimes overlooked. The court will be interested in learning what the children desire and will most likely question them directly at some point throughout the proceedings. You can better inform your decision-making by asking your child what they think.

No. Parenting time and child support are different from each other. While it is a child’s right to be provided with financial support, it is also their right to spend time with their parents. Thus, even if the child support was cancelled the parent formerly supporting can still enjoy parenting time with the child.

“There is no fixed age for when a child can say which parent they want to live with after a divorce. However, by law, a child must be 16 years old to decide on this matter. The exception to this is when there is a court order stating that a child/ren must live with one parent until they turn 17 or 18.

Under certain circumstances, it is possible to legally prevent your child/ren’s father from seeing or contacting them. It may be necessary if he presents a potential danger to your child/ren. If you were never married to the father of your child and there is no court order saying otherwise, you can do anything you want until paternity is confirmed.

Locations We Serve

Multiple offices to help serve you better

With numerous offices across Ontario, we make it easier for our clients to have access to our lawyers. Please note that offices marked with an (**) are satellite offices and require a consultation booked in advance. We are not able to accommodate walk-in appointments at these locations. Call us to book a free consultation today.

Still have family law questions?

Speak to a lawyer

If you need legal advice regarding child custody & access matters in Ontario, contact our Toronto family law lawyers for a free consultation. Some conditions may apply.

Book Your Consult