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Preventing Parental Alienation

Published: March 4, 2022

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Preventing Parental Alienation

Children of divorced or divorcing parties may be exposed to some form of Parental Alienation. One parent (or sometimes a third party in a child’s life) may attempt to undermine an in-tact parent-child relationship and turn a child against the other parent.  The practice is often seen when there are disputes between parents about decision-making responsibility and parenting.  The alienated parent may feel helpless to combat the assault on their relationship with their child, but there are actions you may take both in your own home as well as through Ontario’s legal system with the help of a compassionate and experienced family and divorce lawyer.

What Is Parental Alienation?

Parental Alienation is a behavior in which a parent will undermine a parent-child relationship and turn the child against the other parent.  The alienating parent will encourage the child to reject the other parent by manipulating the child to fear, hate or disrespect the other parent.  Parental Alienation comes in different forms – it may present through denigrating the other parent, making false claims about the other parent, or even interfering with or denying the other parent their parenting time with the child.  Behaviors of an alienating parent may include: 

  • Removing photos of the other parent.
  • Not encouraging calls to the other parent.
  • Describing fun activities that the child may have missed when they were with the other parent. 
  • Showing a lack of concern for missed visits with the other parent and letting the child make decisions about their contact with the other parent. 
  • Rejecting gifts, letters, and messages from the other parent without giving them to the child.
  • Refusing to invite the other parent to school events and activities.
  • Refusing to speak to the other parent and requiring child to act as go-between/messenger.
  • Excessively talking about negative qualities of the other parent in front of the child.
  • Subtly or overtly implying that their own love is contingent on the child’s rejection of the other parent.
  • Claiming the other parent “left” the family and does not love them.
  • Leading the child to believe the other parent is dangerous.

A child suffering from parental alienation may appear to fear the other parent, may treat the other parent with hostility, or disrespect while at the same time demonstrating loyalty, unconditional trust, and empathy towards the other.  

It is possible that parental alienation is occurring unintentionally, and one parent simply cannot stop themselves from denigrating the other parent in front of their child, but with no specific end in mind. Unfortunately, however, it is a practice commonly seen when the parents are engaged in a dispute about parenting time and decision-making responsibilities.  Canadian law looks unfavorably on the practice of parental alienation and the Federal Divorce Act was amended in 2020 to remove the “maximum contact” principal which, in the past, had sought to maximize a child’s time with each parent so long as it was in the child’s best interest.  The act now states in section 16(3) that when determining the best interests of a child, “each spouse’s willingness to support the development and maintenance of the child’s relationship with the other spouse” must be considered. Divorce Act (R.S.C., 1985, c. 3, Section 16(3) (2nd Supp.)). Further, a well known Ontario case on parental alienation, Bruni v. Bruni, saw a mother’s efforts at parental alienation punished in the form of a severe reduction of her spousal support to $1.00 per month after having her efforts condemned by the court as “evil.” Bruni v. Bruni, 2010 ONSC 6568 (CANLII).  Therefore the Ontario court system is designed and ready to assist you in remedying a situation where parental alienation is being imposed on your child.

Signs of Parental Alienation

If you suspect that parental alienation is being practiced on your child there are key signs you may look for inside your child’s own behaviors including: 

  • Vilifying you, the other parent, and rejecting your affection. 
  • Using derogatory terms against you that are uncommon for children of their age.
  • Viewing parents as either all good or all bad. 
  • Justifications their hatred of you with small or unreasonable answers and hatred that may extend to other family members or pets. 
  • Displaying anger at you and claiming you abandoned them. 
  • Displaying unwarranted fear towards you.
  • Telling others about your negative qualities. 
  • Having a stronger bond with alienating parent and an unnatural concern for alienating parent. 
  • Displaying a lack of care about missed visits or phone calls. 

How To Prevent Parental Alienation

If your child is displaying patterns of behavior that lead you to believe the other parent may be subjecting them to parental alienation, the most important thing you can do is to maintain as much contact with your child as possible. You should strive to keep your interactions as positive as you can and resist employing alienating tactics against the other parent as doing so could potentially cause further damage to your parent-child relationship.  You should seek to make your time together enjoyable – spend time playing with your child, show interest in their hobbies and activities and above all, listen to your child and show them love and patience.  You should create time for your child to vent and communicate with you without punishment, expectation, or pressure.  

Your next step should be consulting with a psychologist or other mental health professional who can assist you in repairing your relationship.  There are those that specialize in parental alienation syndrome that can help you to connect with your child once again.  You may want to consider keeping a log of the behaviors that worry you that you can present to the psychologist who can help you determine whether they are consistent with alienation.  

Finally, you should contact an Ontario family law lawyer to assist you in bringing court proceedings.  The court system places a strong emphasis on maintaining all parent-child relationships and can provide you with the recourse to undo parental alienation by revisiting your parenting agreement. 

Steps to Take if Your Former Spouse Has Interfered With Your Parent-Child Relationship

Maintain contact with your child as much as possible. Stick to your parenting and contact schedule and try to keep your interactions positive and low pressure.
Contact a psychologist who specializes in parental alienation syndrome A qualified psychologist or mental health professional can help you identify parental alienation syndrome and provide tools for restoring your parent-child relationship.
Keep a log of information as evidence. It can be helpful to keep a log of the behaviors, comments and occurrences that worry you.   This may be useful for the psychologist as well as your family law lawyer in restoring your relationship.
Contact an Ontario family law lawyer to initiate court proceedings. An experienced and compassionate family law lawyer can initiate court proceedings on your behalf to provide recourse for stopping the parental alienation.

Learn How Our Family Law Lawyers Can Help!

Canada believes strongly that children should not be a part of their parents’ conflict.  If your child is displaying concerning behaviors consistent with parental alienation, the Ontario court system can help you put a stop to the practice.  Contact the lawyers at Gelman & Associates to lead you through Ontario’s family law system.  The lawyers at Gelman & Associates can provide compassionate guidance while aggressively protecting your parental rights.  Parental alienation is not appropriate and a parent who ignores a parenting or contact schedule outlined in a court order can suffer legal consequences including a possible loss of parenting time.  Call (416) 736-0200 to speak to one of our qualified and caring lawyers about your family today.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - child custody & access

It is not uncommon for someone to want to relocate after a divorce. If you still live in the marital residence, the familiar surroundings and memories may be too much for your heart to handle. Or in the process of reinventing yourself post-divorce you may want to take a new job, move closer to your friends and family, or simply wish to start fresh somewhere new. There are many reasons a person may want to move after going through a divorce, however if you have children you will need to think twice before making a big move.

Emotionally, it can be challenging for a child to move to an unfamiliar place. Often, they are most at ease in a familiar environment with access to family and friends. Changing schools, living in a new city or even a new house can be difficult on a child, especially after dealing with the emotional turmoil associated with divorce.

Legally, there are certain implications to relocating away from the current jurisdiction where the children ordinarily reside. Before moving you and the noncustodial parent can negotiate with the absence of a lawyer, a written agreement about the moce and any changes to visitation that may be needed. If you cannot reach an agreement about the move, you then must file an Application/Motion to the court to hear your matter and for a judge to make a decision before you move. Usually the court requires at least 30 days notice to the other parent of your court Application/Motion. It may take longer to reach an agreement with the other parent or get a court order. It is a good idea to give notice of 90 days before the move, as as soon as possible and to consult with a lawyer first. Upon receiving this notice, they can challenge your proposed change of residence or apply for a variation to the existing custody or access orders.

The leading case that sets out the legal test in determining mobility is Gordon vs. Goertz (1996) 2. S.C.R. 27

Similar to any other action involving variation of an existing custody order, the person challenging the relocation has to show that the move will result in a material change in circumstances affecting the child. Once this has been established, a judge will determine the best interests of the child in light of the relevant circumstances. These relevant circumstances include the existing custody and access relationship, the relationship between the child and the custodial parent, the views of the child, and the reason for the proposed change of residence among other circumstances. As with every other custody proceeding, the judges determination will turn on the best interests of the child. The judge’s inquiry is individualized and will involve all factors relevant to the case at hand.

Because mobility has become so easy in today’s society, often separation agreements or custody orders will address relocation and place specific restrictions on changing residences. Non-removal clauses that ban the extra-provincial removal of children without consent of the noncustodial parent. In these cases, the custodial parent who wishes to relocate will have to initiate the action by placing an application with the court.

If you are contemplating a move, you must consider the emotional needs of your child, as well as your former spouse’s right to challenge your relocation. Typically, courts only allow a custodial parent to relocate if the proposed move is in good faith and not intended to frustrate the noncustodial parent’s relationship with the child. Additionally, if a custodial parent relocates, they must be willing to accommodate the noncustodial parent’s access to the child; sometimes this means that the relocating parent will have to pay the additional costs of access.

In sum, if you are a custodial parent, moving isn’t as easy as just loading up the car and hitting the road – but it is still possible.

Yes, but they will need to establish paternity, especially if the father and the mother separate. Here are the ways to establish paternity as recognized by the court:

  • Act of birth
  • Presumption of paternity
  • Uninterrupted possession of status
  • Voluntary declaration

No. Even when the parents are unmarried, divorced, or separated, one parent cannot keep the child from seeing the other unless the court deems it appropriate to the child’s best interests.

Historically, mothers have been more likely to get sole custody of their child in both consent and contested orders, as they are usually the child’s primary caregiver. However, as more mothers also work outside the home, courts could also rule in favor of the father.

The majority of judges strive to make decisions that are in your children’s best interest. Giving full custody to one parent is usually the best option, except in cases with concerns such as child or substance abuse. This typically means keeping in contact with and maintaining relationships with both parents.
You should do everything possible to prepare for the subsequent child custody negotiations, whether you’re a parent seeking full custody or shared custody:
Be honest with yourself about your ability to manage things alone, in terms of practicality, finances, and other factors. You may get the result you want by presenting the strongest case for custody by doing the following:

  • Make a Strategy: If custody is granted, a court will expect you to be ready. Compile thoughtful replies to hypothetical queries posed in court.
  • Speak with people who have gone through the child custody procedure before you. They may provide you advice and tell you what to anticipate.
  • Judges look for proof of a meaningful relationship in addition to making sure you can provide a child’s practical and basic needs. Simply put, be involved in your children’s lives.
  • Continue to pay child support regularly, whether you’re asking the court for full or shared custody. When you start the procedure, you’ll want to make sure you have a strong track record.
  • Keep a detailed log of your visitation schedule. This is a crucial aspect of obtaining child custody. Visitation records reflect how often you see your children under the present arrangements and your dependability, as well as dedication to them.
  • During all child custody hearings, the court will inquire about acceptable living accommodations. Even if you live in a tiny apartment, you should create a unique and secure environment for your child.
  • Courts may determine child custody in part by how you treat your child’s other parent. Being hostile or unpleasant to the other parent makes collaborative decision-making more complicated and can break apart parent-child ties. As a result, judges are more inclined to favor the parent who isn’t behaving badly.
  • While parents typically spend a lot of time thinking about what they believe is best for their children, children’s perspectives are sometimes overlooked. The court will be interested in learning what the children desire and will most likely question them directly at some point throughout the proceedings. You can better inform your decision-making by asking your child what they think.

No. Parenting time and child support are different from each other. While it is a child’s right to be provided with financial support, it is also their right to spend time with their parents. Thus, even if the child support was cancelled the parent formerly supporting can still enjoy parenting time with the child.

“There is no fixed age for when a child can say which parent they want to live with after a divorce. However, by law, a child must be 16 years old to decide on this matter. The exception to this is when there is a court order stating that a child/ren must live with one parent until they turn 17 or 18.

Under certain circumstances, it is possible to legally prevent your child/ren’s father from seeing or contacting them. It may be necessary if he presents a potential danger to your child/ren. If you were never married to the father of your child and there is no court order saying otherwise, you can do anything you want until paternity is confirmed.

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