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Which Parent Gets Decision-Making Responsibility and Why

Published: August 1, 2022

Last Updated: September 9, 2025

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Which Parent Gets Decision-Making Responsibility and Why

Decision-making responsibility (formerly referred to as “custody”) is the right to make important decisions about how your child is raised and cared for.  These decisions include those about the child’s education, medical care, religion, extra-curricular activities, and other important matters affecting the child’s life.  

Decision-making responsibility can be given to one parent or shared by both.  If you have sole decision-making responsibility, you are not required to involve your child’s other parent when making decisions on behalf of your child.  If you have joint decision-making responsibility, you share the right to make decisions for your child with their other parent and this requires that you have the ability to both communicate and cooperate with that person.  It is also possible to have de facto decision-making responsibility.  This generally happens when your child resides with you, but you have no court order or parenting agreement in place. However, it is always easier to enforce your decision-making powers if you have them set out in a parenting plan or agreement or if a judge has awarded them to you in an enforceable court order. 

If the parents agree on who will have decision-making responsibility, they may outline this arrangement as part of a parenting plan.  This is usually the least complicated and least emotionally taxing way to determine which parent(s) have decision-making responsibilities. If you and your child’s other parent do not agree on who should be given decision-making responsibility, you have several options to try with the possible support and assistance of a lawyer.  You may choose to use negotiation, collaborative family law, mediation, or arbitration to reach a mutually agreeable parenting plan.  If, however, you are unable to reach an agreement on decision-making responsibility the decision will be left to the court to issue a parenting order.  A parenting order is an enforceable court order that sets out issues such as decision-making responsibility and parenting time.    

If you find yourself in court where a judge is determining who will receive decision-making responsibility for your children, the judge will make their decision based on what is in the best interests of your child(ren).  They may use the findings from any investigation and report from an Officer of the Children’s Lawyer clinical investigation and they may request an assessment be conducted by a private social worker or another mental health professional who will speak to each parent, the children, and any other relevant persons.  The judge will also consider the child’s current living situation as well as any history of violence between family members.  After compiling all the relevant information, the judge will make an order outlining who has decision-making responsibility for the children based on what is in their best interests.   

If you need help understanding your parental rights and the associated legal proceedings, our compassionate team of lawyers at Gelman & Associates can assist you and ensure that your rights as a parent are protected. Contact us today for a free consultation.

Written by Lisa Gelman

Senior Lawyer

Senior Lawyer Lisa Gelman has over 25 years of family law experience and founded Gelman & Associates to provide strategic legal counsel in family law matters concerning divorce, parenting, separation, and more.

Frequently Asked Questions - child custody & access

Ontario law does not specify the age at which a child can decide which parent to live with. At most, the Court may consider the preference of the child but that does not necessarily mean that the Court will act favorably on it. The court will consider the child’s maturity, ability to articulate their desires, and the reasoning behind their views when seeking their opinion.

If a parenting plan is included in your court order under the Divorce Act, the document will be legally binding.

In order to change your child’s last name, you will have to be the child’s parent with legal custody or be the legal guardian of the child. In order to change the child’s last name, you will have to provide notice to anyone who has legal access to the child, and that may include your ex-spouse.

In most cases, the answer is no. However, there can be some exceptions that the mother can build a case upon. These include the father putting the child at risk, non-compliance with the court order, or a history of violence by the father.

Creating a custody plan with a narcissistic ex-partner is a task best left to legal professionals. While there might not be one way to deal with a narcissistic ex, there are things that you can do to turn the tables on a narcissistic co-parent. The best way to prevent problems is to go with no contact or limited contact with your ex-partner and put everything in writing if you must only communicate via email or text message to record statements and harassment.

Let us consider that the “moving away” is relocation and not just a change in residency.

Then, let us qualify that the mother will take your child with her.

If the mother is the primary caregiver of the child, you may oppose the relocation by applying the principles laid down under the Gordon vs. Goertz case. You must present your case strongly as to why potentially cutting your child’s relationship as the primary caregiver is to your child’s best interest. This situation falls under the purview of Section 16.93(2) of the Divorce Act.

If both you and the mother have equal parenting time over your child, the mother of the child has the burden of proof as to why the relocation is for the best interest of your child. This situation falls under the purview of Section 16.93(1) of the Divorce Act.

If there is no Court ordered, approved, or awarded parenting time or separation agreement, as contemplated under Section 16.93(3) of the Divorce Act, the mother has the burden of proof to show that relocation is in the best interest of your child.

Note that even if the burden of proof is not laid upon you, it still recommended that you present a strong opposition to the relocation.

Yes, it is possible for your ex to prevent you from relocating with a child you share, although this will likely plan on your parenting arrangements and decision-making responsibility. If you cannot agree about a relocation, a court will decide based on the child’s best interests.

Generally, you need to provide your ex with 60 days’ written notice of your relocation plan, and you must obtain consent or a court order to move the child. A lawyer can help you navigate this process. Our divorce lawyers will guide you through the application and court order process.

Yes, but they will need to establish paternity, especially if the father and the mother separate. Here are the ways to establish paternity as recognized by the court:

  • Act of birth
  • Presumption of paternity
  • Uninterrupted possession of status
  • Voluntary declaration

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