During the throes of divorce, it’s difficult to understand what went wrong, who is to blame, and what should have happened differently. Hopefully, as you move past the pain of divorce, you begin to understand that both parties had a hand in the downfall of your marriage. There were things that both of you probably should or shouldn’t have done. You may even feel that you want to apologize to your ex as you move on to the next phase in your life. But you can’t always expect an apology in return, and that’s okay. Apologize for the Right Reasons: If you say you’re sorry to your ex, do so because you feel in your heart that it’s the right thing to do. Say it because you know that you mean it, and because you know you have learned lessons that will help you in future relationships. Don’t say it because you expect to get it back. This will only lead to disappointment, as you can’t know what kind of emotional growth your former spouse has or hasn’t gone through. Do it for you, not to get the same in return. Don’t Regret It: You might have friends or family that feel you shouldn’t have apologized because you weren’t at fault, or maybe because you were the “least wrong.” But acknowledging your mistakes, no matter how small they were, can be emotionally cleansing. It doesn’t give the other spouse power over you, and it doesn’t make you the weaker person. Instead, you’ll know that you did the right thing. Forgive Anyway: Just because your ex never says he or she is sorry, or even if they don’t believe they have a reason to say it, you can still forgive. Once again, do this for your own benefit. Forgiveness allows you to let go of bitter feelings towards your ex and open your heart up to more positive emotions. It doesn’t mean that you have to forget what happened, because acknowledging the past is how you learn. But you don’t have to hold onto it or continue to feel like a victim. If you find that you have apologies to express and forgiveness in your heart, then go right ahead and own it. Don’t worry about how your ex or anyone else feels about it, because it’s part of your emotional healing. Your former spouse doesn’t have to return the expression to make it valid, and besides, you can live the rest of your life knowing you were the bigger person.
Frequently Asked Questions - divorce & separation
Can I get a divorce if my spouse is not in Canada?
If you or your spouse are not in Canada, you can not get a divorce. However, you can end your marriage under the Civil Marriage Act. You can only end your marriage in Canada and not another country because your marriage is only valid in Canada.
Can I date while separated in Canada?
Yes, you can date while separated in Canada. However, there is a legal implication to that. If the timing of your new relationship comes into question during your divorce, your relationship may be considered as an affair or adultery.
Can I work with Gelman & Associates if I don’t live in Toronto?
Yes. Our legal services are available in person, online, and over the phone. In addition, although our main office is located in Toronto, we have over 8 additional satellite offices located throughout central, southern, western, and eastern Ontario to serve family law clients across the province.
Can texts or social media posts from my ex be used during the divorce process?
If you are litigating your matter, social media posts made by your spouse or partner may be relevant, especially if they contradict what your spouse is claiming in his or her pleadings.
For example, if a spouse is claiming financial hardship, a Facebook post that shows that spouse going on an expensive trip or posing with an expensive car can undermine such claim and potentially affect that party’s credibility in court if presented as evidence on a motion or at trial.
Further to photograph-based posts, statements that are made on social media by one party can be relevant if said posts (i) are related to the litigation, to issues of parenting and/or (b) contradict statements that were made by the party in his or her pleadings. For example, if a party is attempting to establish that he or she is an appropriate custodial parent, then recent social media posts about extensive partying and drug use made by that party may be relevant in court, as they may speak to that party’s fitness when it comes to appropriate supervision of a child in his or her care.
Can I leave my spouse without getting a divorce?
Yes, you can separate from your spouse. Separation does not have to lead to divorce. However, if you plan to remarry, you must file for divorce after one year of separation. Also, you may want to consider that if you just leave, your spouse may file for spousal support or child support.
It is advised however that before leaving, you try to have a separation agreement with your spouse.
Can you get divorced without the other person agreeing?
Divorce can be a difficult decision to make, especially if you’re unsure if your partner will sign the petition. However, a divorce does not require your partner’s consent. Although it may be a long process if your partner doesn’t comply, they will not be able to stop you indefinitely.
Can you use cheating as grounds for divorce?
The only ground for a divorce in Canada’s Divorce Act is marriage breakdown. This could include spousal infidelity, although infidelity alone could be difficult and emotionally taxing to prove in court.
Do I need a lawyer to get a divorce in Ontario?
You are not legally required to retain a lawyer to apply for divorce. However, a divorce application may involve important questions about parenting, support, property and procedural requirements. Independent legal advice can help you understand how a proposed agreement or court application may affect you.
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